The Whine List

 

Hey everyone...

It's been a few weeks since my last blog. I usually write when inspiration hits me. Sometimes 2 or 3 a month, sometimes a period will go by where there is nothing. Much like rain in Las Vegas. 

All the blog advice sites say to keep a strong readership, you should post on a regular basis.  Keep in front of the reader.  While I see the sense in that, I also refuse to blather on about stuff just for the sake of "putting something in front of my readers."  Many blogs become what I refer to as "WHINE LISTS."

I read a lot of blogs that pick a topic, whether politics, lifestyle, health, yadda yadda...and bitch and moan about whatever the talking point is. 

"I hate this...."

"I can't stand that..."

"They need to...they should...I would do it like this...."

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of blogs that are insightful and helpful and interesting. I follow many of them. My hat is off to many bloggers that research, verify points they are making and argue their point in a coherent manner. Keep on, carry on, and God bless you.

What I am talking about are people who take a headline and form an opinion piece. (Nothing wrong with that). The thing with opinion pieces is that they are OPINION and not fact. Trying to make an opinion into a fact is a hopeless task.  If there are 5 marbles on a table, and your opinion piece goes on about why you think there are 7 marbles on the table, no natter how much YOU may believe it, and strive to make all others believe it, the math (research) shows that there are 5 marbles on the table. Period...unless math works differently in your world, in which case I will listen to your argument and make my own decision.  

Trying to make things fact that are conjecture or theory is a long row to hoe. Ask any politician.

If your blog is an op-ed, so be it. Good for you. We need that sort of thing, however, it's a thin line. Forcing or mandating beliefs generally does not work. 

So here I am, spewing forth my opinion about bloggers and facts. (LOL) it is an infinite circle. I am guilty if it too, and try to be mindful of what I pass along. In A.A. we have a phrase, "Take what you like and leave the rest."  Be aware of your Whine List.  Offer you opinion without a solution. Offer a solution based on fact and research. Insightful thought. Offer clarity.  

And with that, I will say...Good Day!

Here's a good little thing to read....The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. 

Available now:

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Have an "Imperfect" Day

 I actually posted this in 2017, but I think it is worth re-visiting. A reminder that perfection is all a state of mind, and in many cases, unattainable.  From FEB. 2017: 

"No one is perfect".  How many times have we heard this or even used it as an excuse for lack of knowledge or experience?  

The whole perfection thing is a lot of pressure. We are raised to be the best we can be. That is WAYYYY different than being perfect.

You don't have to be perfect. Perfection is a illusion. It's unattainable. It's a unicorn.  Great to imagine, but in real life, it's still a horse with a horn glued to its head.  

However, there is a way, somewhat Taoist to look at this. If you have have imperfections, and those imperfections make up the person you are, then it would only fit that you are perfect in your imperfection. You are the perfect you. 

We are hit from all sides with media and peer pressure to look a certain way, or dress with a certain style, or have a perfect hair style yadda yadda yadda.....It tends to make one very self conscious about one's self.  You hear the horror stories every day. Young kids turning to drugs, self mutilation, depression, isolationism, suicide...all for what? Because they don't fit in with the latest trend. 

True, some people are genetically predisposed to "good looks" or "athleticism" or brilliance...and some are not as attractive, or strong or smart.  Nature will always balance. Yes, it has been proven that mates tend to gravitate toward the strongest of the herd. Or the prettiest..(example Bird of Paradise). In nature, this is for survival of the species. Humans do not have that problem. We get together, hang out, have sex with each other and boom....on goes the species. And yes, sometime alcohol is involved that makes you pair up with someone that for whatever reason you would not normally pair up with. 

Point is, there is someone for everyone. What I find unattractive in someone, the next person with see as the one they have been looking for all their life...perfect in their imperfections.  A lot of "imperfection" has to do with self image.  We all can do things to make changes in what we see as faults in ourselves. All good. Make those changes.  Embrace those changes. But, be sure you are doing it for the right reason. You can not be beautiful to others until you are beautiful to yourself.  You can only love others when you love yourself first.  Embrace your imperfections and love them. Life is a wonderful thing once you  realize that you don't have to be a clone on the model on TV who is pushing the latest "make yourself perfect" product.  Just be the best you that you can be.  

Have an "imperfect" day!

Escaping your Comfort Zone

 We tend to wall ourselves into a comfort zone. A place where we are not afraid, angry, overly joyful, any feeling that is more than what we are used to. 

I have seen this as a counselor, AA Sponsor, and my involvement with Al Anon members.  The norm, whatever that may be becomes a comfort zone.  In abusive relationships it becomes every day status quo. The abuser will abuse. It is expected and accepted. The alcoholic will come home drunk. It is expected and accepted. The hoarding, over-eating, gambling, sex addiction will continue because it is expected and accepted. Why??

From the outside looking in, we see people going through this and ask why they allow all this to happen. How can they stand this day after day?  It is much like the frog in the boiling water. If you put a frog in cold water and let it heat to boiling, the frog will just sit there until it boils to death. If you throw frog into water already at the boil, it will jump out, which of course is the sane thing to do. Too many people have slowly boiling comfort zones. Eventually they will just boil to death.

Getting out of one's comfort zone is a scary thing. It involves the unknown (or unremembered) and sometimes being on one's own. When you have become (co) dependent on a relationship or situation, venturing out can be terrifying. You have to think to yourself that anything has got to be better than what is going on now.  Seek counseling, AA, Al Anon, Energy Healing. Whatever is going to nudge you to take a look at yourself and help you make positive changes.

Now, all that being said, remember comfort zones are not exclusive to relationships. They are also relevant to things like jobs, career choices, and attitudes. A good example would be someone who hates their job, and wants to change it, but their comfort zone may be the income. We go into what if  thinking which we talked about in an earlier blog. Sometimes you need to just DO IT. Fear is the biggest block we face. I had a martial arts master tell me that fear never killed anyone. It is the reaction to fear that is the killer.  But that is an entirely different blog. Overcome the fear and you can do anything you want. Take that first step. 

I talk fear more in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

May you have a wonderful day, and take that first step. 

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How Important Is It?

 We all get stressed over all kinds of stuff.  Getting stressed or angry over things that you think affect your life, whether they do or not, is a waste of time and energy. 

It goes back to not letting stuff rent space in your brain. When something gets you to the point of boiling over, or your head exploding, 💥 you have to ask one simple question to put it all in perspective.  How Important is IT?  Trust me, a lot of the stuff that gets you to that point is never as bad as you think it is. 

Perception is important.  If you perceive something to be terrible, or give it the importance to ruin your day or your week, IT WILL.  Asking How Important is It gives the you a chance to rate the problem.

Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being not terribly bothersome  to 10 being  If I don't do something about this someone could get hurt... 

An example of a "1" would be when you get your favorite coffee from take out and they get the order wrong.  Now, you can go in and make an ass out of yourself yelling a screaming, and accomplish nothing,  OR you can ask, How Important is It? Drink it the way it is and go on with your day.  Or, go back in and politely inform them that they got you order wrong. They will take care of it with a smile most of the time, and everyone is a winner. DON'T CALL 911. (Trust me...it happens). 

I used to close my morning radio show with the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff, It's all small stuff..."  It's true. No matter how insurmountable something seems, there is always an answer. Sometimes the answer may not be the answer YOU had in mind, but there is ALWAYS an answer. That which does not kill me makes me stronger." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Always score stuff on How Important is it?  It puts a lot of things into proper perspective. Any artist will tell you, If the perspective is off, even just a little it throws the whole painting out of whack, The same goes for every day "problems".

The more ZEN you can be about things, the better off you are. Call it self control, internal anger management, or just letting go and letting God. Much of what happens with us is by divine plan. It has nothing to do with religion, the divine plan is what the universe has already put into play.  I does not mean to throw your hands up and just let it happen. The divine always needs help and effort. The divine does not write anything in stone. It is always changing. Like the stock market. Some days are better than others. It's like surfing. Ride the wave. If you fall, another wave will be along.  It's all part of the plan. The eternal now. Stay in the present. 

Check out my book. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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Be A Teacher

 Be a Teacher.  Pass on what you know. In other words, allow others to learn from you. Being a teacher does not necessarily mean you must sit people down and lecture to them about your opinions or beliefs.  That is not really teaching.  It is a different thing if you are a seminar speaker, or doing actual formal classes.  When I speak of being a teacher, teach by example. Answer questions rather than offering unsolicited advice.  Let them come to you. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Trying to teach anyone who is not ready is a waste of time and energy on both parts. 

Do not under any circumstances try to fake teaching something you do not know.  I know a lot of people who try to guide others and don't have a clue what they are saying. The blind leading the blind as it were. If someone comes to you seeking answers, sometimes the correct answer is "I'm sorry, I don't know".  You don't have to be a Guru.  No one will think less of you if you don't know. If you fake it, then you are just a snake oil salesman. 

Put ego aside, and allow people to learn from you. If I ask you, "What is the meaning of life? Maybe will you say "It is simple. You just be good to people and you will be happy..." That, of course is YOUR meaning (of life).  When I am asked a question like that, I may answer, "What does it mean to you?"  Ninety Percent of questions people ask they already know the answers to. They just have to be reminded that they already know it. 

Part of being a teacher to to always be a student. No one has all the answers. Wisdom comes from a conglomeration of different inputs. 

Zen Masters learn from many teachers. ZEN is not a religion. It is a series of understandings that lead to inner peace and understanding of all that which is around you. Always learn, Do not judge, do not let your ego lead you to thinking that you know everything. We have the knowledge inside us, but until we awaken the knowledge, we do not have it consciously. 

The same goes for being spiritual vs religious. I am not going to cheer for one side or the other.  Religious people believe one way, one truth. Spiritual people may have several beliefs based on several religions. They are, really two sides of the same coin.  Jesus, Buddah, Mohammed, (Obi Wan Kenobi) were all amazing teachers. When it comes down to it, we all want to treated by others the way we would treat them. TEACH goodness by example. Everything else will fall into place.

Please order and read my book: The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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God Bless and Pass on what you know.

Happy Father's day

It's that time of year again.  Happy Father's day to all the Dads out there. 

I think I mentioned last year that I am lucky enough to have 2 Dads.  My Dad, and my Stepfather.  Both of them amazing men who did a great job raising me. I am grateful to them every day. 

Sometimes we take Dad for granted, knowing they have always been there for us, and then suddenly something happens. You get that phone call that there is a medical "procedure" that needs to be done, and though it's not anything "serious" it's still an indication that everyone get older every year. My step dad just had some back issues that have effected his mobility. Not a huge thing, but still, a reminder that he is not getting any younger. He is 85.  To me he is still, you know, in his 40s. 

I think we have a hard time dealing with parents getting older.  It also reminds us that we are driving down that road as well, and putting some miles behind us all the time.  

For some reason, Father's day get a second tier rating.  It's never as big a deal as Mother's day, which is a huge card and flower day. Fathers day is more of a hardware store event.  Dad would much prefer a power tool to a bunch of roses and candy.

I have a Son who is going to come hang with me on Sunday. He and my wife, (His Stepmom) and I will go up the mountain for a picnic. It will be a great day.  The nice thing is, he loves to spend time with us, and it's always great to see him.  

Not to dwell, but it is also the day I lost my oldest son.  So Father's day is always a bit hard for me.  We will take a moment on the mountain to say a prayer. 

Bottom line is this...No matter what your situation, let your Dad know that you love him.  Because he is here today. He may not be there tomorrow.  If Dad has already passed on, say a prayer and talk to him. He will hear you. 

Have a great day!!

Happy Mother's Day

I called my Mom this morning to wish her Happy Mother's day.  We talk every other day or so anyway, so there was not a whole lot to "catch up on".  She said something though that struck me.  We live a couple of states away, so we don't see each other on Mother's Day, and she said it was sad because of that fact.  I told her at that point, that we really should not have a day every year that forces us to remind ourselves that Moms are great. We would not BE HERE without her!  Every time you see your mom or talk to her should be Mother's day. Just like every day that you live to see another sunrise with your spouse should be Valentine's day.  And Christmas...you get the point.

Anyway, I will keep this short since you have to call Mom today.  For those departed Moms, there will always be time to say a little prayer...Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms everywhere!!

Have a Great Day!

Be happy in your perfect imperfection.

"No one is perfect".  How many times have we heard this or even used it as an excuse for lack of knowledge or experience?  

The whole perfection thing is a lot of pressure. We are raised to be the best we can be. That is WAYYYY different than being perfect.

You don't have to be perfect. Perfection is a illusion. It's unattainable. It's a unicorn.  Great to imagine, but in real life, it's still a horse with a horn glued to its head.  

However, there is a way, somewhat Taoist to look at this. If you have have imperfections, and those imperfections make up the person you are, then it would only fit that you are perfect in your imperfection. You are the perfect you. 

We are hit from all sides with media and peer pressure to look a certain way, or dress with a certain style, or have a perfect hair style yadda yadda yadda.....It tends to make one very self conscious about one's self.  You hear the horror stories every day. Young kids turning to drugs, self mutilation, depression, isolationism, suicide...all for what? Because they don't fit in with the latest trend. 

True, some people are genetically predisposed to "good looks" or "athleticism" or brilliance...and some are not as attractive, or strong or smart.  Nature will always balance. Yes, it has been proven that mates tend to gravitate toward the strongest of the herd. Or the prettiest..(example Bird of Paradise). In nature, this is for survival of the species. Humans do not have that problem. We get together, hang out, have sex with each other and boom....on goes the species. And yes, sometime alcohol is involved that makes you pair up with someone that for whatever reason you would not normally pair up with. 

Point is, there is someone for everyone. What I find unattractive in someone, the next person with see as the one they have been looking for all their life...perfect in their imperfections.  A lot of "imperfection" has to do with self image.  We all can do things to make changes in what we see as faults in ourselves. All good. Make those changes.  Embrace those changes. But, be sure you are doing it for the right reason. You can not be beautiful to others until you are beautiful to yourself.  You can only love others when you love yourself first.  Embrace your imperfections and love them. Life is a wonderful thing once you  realize that you don't have to be a clone on the model on TV who is pushing the latest "make yourself perfect" product.  Just be the best you that you can be.  

Have an "imperfect" day!

Election is over, let's talk FOOD!

Election is over! (YAY) and we have a President Trump.  Cheer if you like, Swear if you're pissed.  Let's talk about Thanksgiving Dinner.

This year, we are doing T-day a week or so earlier with relatives coming to town.  As I am on the low carb / very little sugar diet, Holidays are going to be a bit different for me this year. First off, I have to stay away from the thing I wait all year for. My Martinelli's sparkling Cranberry/Apple juice. LOADED with sugars. 

My inspiration is that I have dropped 23 pounds in about 6 weeks by doing nothing more than cutting out 90% of carbs and sugars.  I DO feel better, and losing the weight has made it easier to RUN away from all those no no foods that tend to make me rounder. 

I still allow myself a little dark chocolate every day and some carbs.  But I have leaned that I do not have to eat the WHOLE loaf of french bread or the entire 1/4 pound chocolate bar.  

So, for Thanksgiving this year it's non hormone fed turkey, cornbread stuffing, (Half a serving for me) Green Beans and a bit of cranberry. Easy on the gravy as it FAT FAT FAT, and and some organic mashed potato (half my usual amount).

To drink, I have gone to Club Soda and lime. Refreshing and bubbly.

Where people get slammed dieting during the holidays, is, of course, candies and cakes and pies and ice cream, and of course alcohol.  (The 5 Holiday food groups).  My weakness being the baked goods. I don't drink, so I don't pour on the sugar there.  (Alcohol turns to sugar the minute it passes your teeth). I have given up doing the score card...you know,  If I don't have this, I can have this...does not work, because you have no willpower.  That is the key. Step away from the table.  Here is my challenge. Today, I weigh 223.7 pounds (from about 246 6 weeks ago). My goal through the holidays is not so much to lose a whole lot more, (That would be nice, but it's a lot of pressure) but to maintain where I am and not gain. I will occasionally end a blog with today's weight. But I will not make blogs here  about what I am eating...what a bore. Join me in the challenge. What the hell? 

Here is something my wife told me that has helped a lot. Your divine beings watching over you take you literally when you say stuff. Being your spiritual guardians, they try to help you. So if you say "I have lost XX pounds on this diet," they will find the weight you lost and give it back to you. Instead, think of it as Releasing the weight instead of losing it.  A simple mind thing, but hey, it works. 

Please become a follower.  Thanks! Have a great day!

I Think (Part 2)

I THINK

What consumes your mind controls your life.

You should stop looking for happiness in the exact place you lost it

It's scary what a smile can hide.

The smarter you get, the less you speak.

The secret of having it all is believing that you already do.

You can still be a good person with a kind heart and still say "no".

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Silence is an answer too.

Falling down is an accident. Staying down is a choice.

When nothing goes right, turn left.

Creativity is intelligence having fun.

Nothing haunts us like what we did NOT say.

The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. 

Have a Great Day

The biggest word in the English Language

I took a couple of days off. Mostly because of what is happening in the political landscape.  I fear I would be caught in the whirlwind of speculation. 

It seems as though the News Channels don't report the news, really.  If there is a breaking story of course they will report it. A cat stuck in a well, or a police car chase in California.  That's all important breaking news. And of course, anything that has to do with the weather.  

For the most part though, the talking heads spend a lot of time speculating and bringing in experts who further speculate, and of course the top guys who speculate on what the experts just speculated on. A lot of "What Ifs"

IF is the biggest word in the english language. Most things depend on IF.  'If I win the lottery, then....'  or  'If so and so gets his promotion, then I might take his place on the food chain'... 'If my team wins the next three games they might take the championship' 

If you meet the right person, if you make enough money, if you pray for it, if if if if if if............

Seems like you are leaving a lot of stuff to chance. 

Here is a simple affirmation. You CAN change the outcome of a lot of things in YOUR life by just changing the word if to the word when. Call it what you want. Positive thinking, whatever. IT WORKS because it changes your perspective from victim to winner.  From now on, say 'When I win the lottery' or 'when I get that promotion'  The outcome may not be what you expected. Who knows, it might be better.

Have a great day!

The Eskimo

So, A guy walks into a bar in Anchorage, Alaska.  He sits down and orders a Beer.  To his right is a sad looking man drowning his sorrows.  To his left is a preacher. (Don't ask me why there is a preacher sitting at the bar...just roll with it). He chuckles a bit and says to the preacher, "I don't believe in your God."  Unfazed, the preacher smiles and asks why?

The guy tell him a story...

"I was flying across the Tundra in a small plane, and we had to force a landing in the middle of nowhere. The pilot was ejected and died.  I was stuck in the middle of a vast land. It was at least 4 or 5 day walk to anywhere that I knew of, and I had no food or water after using up whatever snacks and stuff there was on the plane. After sitting there for 2 days I figured I would pray to God to rescue me.  I walked all day praying and praying, but nothing. No answer to my prayer...So I am convinced that your God does not exist."

The preacher smiled a bit, and said, "Surely you must believe. You are here, and alive and able to tell me this story."

The man scoffed a bit and said, "Naw, out of nowhere some Eskimo showed up and rescued me."

Never overlook your eskimos.  They are everywhere.  You just have to be aware of them. And all you have to do is ask. You are surrounded by beings of light. It's up to you to recognize them.