LET GO AND LET GOD ... Another Bumper Sticker Story

     As many of you know, I am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous, have have spent more than 30 years both learning and teaching in the program.  AA and Al-anon have, over the years, been cubby-holed by some as Those slogan groups.  You know... You will see bumper stickers, or go to a meeting for the first few times and will no doubt hear people say "One day at a time (ODAT), Keep it Simple, Easy Does It, Let Go and Let God, It works if you work it."  To the outsider, these may seem to be just slogans, or bumper stickers or cheerleading for sobriety. BUT to people that are in the program, really working it, they become mantras to a new way of life. 

I am not here to extol the virtues of 12 step programs. But I would like to share a story with you that happened to me a little over a year into my sobriety.

It was late summer, 1984. I had just completed a year and a half in Broadcasting school, and the same amount of time in AA, it was time to make a move. With my bags packed, and a new car, I set out on the road armed with my diploma, tapes of what I could offer a radio station smart enough to hire me, and the wind at my back. No computers or smartphones at the time, but I did have a radio station guide that listed every station in the United States. SO I began to cold-call visit, sometimes just leaving my tape and resume, and sometimes talking to Program Directors. 

It was not long until a bit of reality set in and I was to realize that it was not going to be an easy task, this radio thing.  I listened to DJs on all kinds of stations as I drove, trying to pick up some style pointers. My route was through Northern California, Nevada, Las Vegas, L.A. and across to Phoenix, Az.  From there up to New Mexico, Texas and who knew from there. 

I arrived in Phoenix. I visited a total of four stations there, and was turned away from all, mostly due to lack of on air experience, which is what I was getting pretty much everywhere.  It was 110 degrees, I was worn out and lost. I could not seem to find my way out of town. Frustrated and feeling very sorry for myself. I felt like I needed a drink very badly. My next stop was a bar. Any bar.  I was going to figure out my next move over a couple or more beers.  

I was sitting at a red light, and the car behind me tooted his horn.  I rolled my window down, pointed at the red light and gave him a WTF hand gesture. When the light turned green I peeled away from the light only to catch the next red light. The car behind me pulled up beside me, and again honked his horn. He rolled his passenger window down, I rolled my window down and asked him, in a not so friendly tone, what the hell he wanted?  He smiled, and said, "I saw your Easy Does It bumper Sticker. Saw you were from California, and you look a little stressed. I'm headed for a meeting up the block? Wanna Follow me?"

I was gob-smacked. My higher power had stepped in when I needed help and sent an angel to show me HIS will.  I went to the meeting, and the topic was HIS will HIS way (vs. HIS will MY way). We all want to think we are in control, and want to hold on to a tiny thread of control even if we turn it over to God. I am not get religious here, I use the term GOD to define any power greater than yourself or Higher Power as we more often refer to it. 

The man who honked at me was Carl, and he and I remained friends over 20 years until he died. That one moment in time may have saved my life. 

Remember, when you turn your will and life over to the care of God as you understand Him, Her or It, you also have to recognize when your higher power puts the answer in front of you. I go into that a little deeper in my book: The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

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In the meantime, remember that the answers are always in front of you. Sometimes you need to get your ego out the way to see the solution. 

Have a Great Day!

Pick your Battles

 Hey everyone. It's been a month since my last blog, dealing with back some issues that are being fixed, and redesigning my office.

I always cruise through various online sites and blogs and social platforms, and take in both side of everything out there, trying to remain as neutral as possible, which is hard sometimes. I try to practice what I preach. Occasionally, though, something will trip my trigger and I will rant or repost. Hey, we are all human beings being human right? 

There is so much finger pointing  and "I'm right, you're wrong" going on that it is hard to tell who the players are and what the end game is.  I will comment on things, trying to be neutral, although, as I said, it is difficult.  I see pages on all kinds of social media sights where it is extreme one way or another. We have forgotten that a middle ground exists, and right now that middle ground is a deserted landscape where no one wants to go.  It has become an us against them society and we have to deal with it every day, and we all have opinions. 

The point is there is all this input and no outlet. I talk to people that say they feel trapped because they feel as though they can not talk to people about anything (even the weather) without getting into a political battle. This is not good for the mind or the body. Isolation from everyday life is a terrible thing. Fear of communication is a terrible thing. So, here is what I do...

I pick my battles. I talk to people, and if it gets to a point of discomfort, I end the conversation. "I really don't think I want to talk about this further."  The other person can accept it, or reject it. If they insist on drumming on, I will say, "thanks" and get up and walk away. Sometimes the other person will call me names, say that I am scared to face the facts (their version of the facts) and so on. Remember, What you think of me is none of my business. It goes back to the North and Southbound roads. Maintain your direction if that is where your are going. 

When you pick your battles, avoid statement like you should, you have to, I know, you're wrong, I'm right, I did it so you should too, THEY SAY, now listen....you get it. 

I capitalized THEY SAY because 80% of information we think we know comes from THEM. If someone says "They say," stop them and ask them who they is. You will probably get and answer like "The experts."  

Remember the scene in Indiana Jones when Indy asked who was studying the Arc? THEY answered "Top Men." We come to find out that it was boxed up and put in a huge storage house, probably in area 51!! Same thing. "The Experts" refers to I have no idea what I am talking about.

You have to realize that there are people who research and people who just get input. Quit watching the news. That is my first piece of advise. Network and cable news shows are the worst for mucking up the waters. One says this is what's going on while the other channel has the exact opposite happening. There are many trusted sources online no matter which side you are on. It's up to you to sift through and find what you think is right. It's a tricky balancing act.  

Try to be Zen and be an observer of the things going on around you. Don't judge, but glean the positive things from all you observe and put them in your to review mental file. Remember, not all is right or wrong. It is all Here and Now. How WE run with it is up to us. 

Summer reading list should include The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

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Have a GREAT day. 

How Important Is It?

 We all get stressed over all kinds of stuff.  Getting stressed or angry over things that you think affect your life, whether they do or not, is a waste of time and energy. 

It goes back to not letting stuff rent space in your brain. When something gets you to the point of boiling over, or your head exploding, 💥 you have to ask one simple question to put it all in perspective.  How Important is IT?  Trust me, a lot of the stuff that gets you to that point is never as bad as you think it is. 

Perception is important.  If you perceive something to be terrible, or give it the importance to ruin your day or your week, IT WILL.  Asking How Important is It gives the you a chance to rate the problem.

Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being not terribly bothersome  to 10 being  If I don't do something about this someone could get hurt... 

An example of a "1" would be when you get your favorite coffee from take out and they get the order wrong.  Now, you can go in and make an ass out of yourself yelling a screaming, and accomplish nothing,  OR you can ask, How Important is It? Drink it the way it is and go on with your day.  Or, go back in and politely inform them that they got you order wrong. They will take care of it with a smile most of the time, and everyone is a winner. DON'T CALL 911. (Trust me...it happens). 

I used to close my morning radio show with the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff, It's all small stuff..."  It's true. No matter how insurmountable something seems, there is always an answer. Sometimes the answer may not be the answer YOU had in mind, but there is ALWAYS an answer. That which does not kill me makes me stronger." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Always score stuff on How Important is it?  It puts a lot of things into proper perspective. Any artist will tell you, If the perspective is off, even just a little it throws the whole painting out of whack, The same goes for every day "problems".

The more ZEN you can be about things, the better off you are. Call it self control, internal anger management, or just letting go and letting God. Much of what happens with us is by divine plan. It has nothing to do with religion, the divine plan is what the universe has already put into play.  I does not mean to throw your hands up and just let it happen. The divine always needs help and effort. The divine does not write anything in stone. It is always changing. Like the stock market. Some days are better than others. It's like surfing. Ride the wave. If you fall, another wave will be along.  It's all part of the plan. The eternal now. Stay in the present. 

Check out my book. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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Bumper Sticker Therapy Pt. 1

 

    I spend a lot of time in the car and see a lot of bumper stickers. Some clever, some funny, some just stupid, but many of them provoke thought.

    In the movie 28 Days, Sandra Bullock plays a woman in Rehab who really does not want to be there. At one point she is meeting with her counselor, and he gives her some advise. (It was a slogan for AA) and she asked him to quit talking like a bumper sticker. There are many "bumper sticker" slogans in AA, and they all go deeper than the words. One Day At A Time, Easy Does It, Live and Let Live, Let Go And Let God just to quote a few. To someone in the program, it is a sign that the person in the car, or someone in that family is in a 12 step program. When you wave at them at the next red light, most of the time they know why and will wave back. 

    Here is a story that happened to me many years ago. I had been in AA for about a year and a half, and was on a road trip to find a radio job as a morning DJ. My journey took me to Phoenix, Arizona.  Now, in the early 80s Phoenix was a city easy to get lost in. It was about 110 degrees, my interview did not go as I had hoped, and I could not for the life of me find my way out of town. I was sitting at a red light and the guy behind me tooted his horn. My initial reaction was to flip him off because the light was red. My other thoughts were to find a bar close by and re-examine my sobriety.  The light turned green and off I shot. At the next light, the car behind pulled up beside me. He tooted his horn and rolled the passenger window down. I was about as pissed as I could be, and about to lose control on him when he said, "Hey, I saw your bumper sticker (ONE DAY AT A TIME) and see you are from out of state. I'm going to a meeting two blocks from here...you want to come along?" 

    I did, and he and I remained friends until his death 16 years later. 

                                                        ************

     ONE DAY AT A TIME:  Means just that. We take every day as it comes. We quit worrying about yesterday and tomorrow. Today, right now is all that matters. We can't undo what happened 10 seconds ago or what will happen 10 seconds from now. Focus on what you can do in the present NOW.  

    EASY DOES IT:  Another 12 step piece of advise. To ME it means don't over complicate things.  As human beings being human, many of us can escalate the simplest thing into an absolute pile of crap.  It can be the interpretation of something someone says or texts to you, a post on Facebook, a Tweet, whatever.  Take a breath. Easy Does it, Mate. Even if something WAS said in hate or anger, rise above it and wipe it off. It's ego reacting to these things. If you are real and true to yourself, nothing like that should affect you to the point of lashing out. Another saying is AA is probably the one I live by the most. WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Pretty self-explanatory.

                                                        ************

Some that are NOT in the 12 step programs include Shit Happens...Yes, as a matter of fact it does, but it's all the way you look at it.  In my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books I tell the story of the bird flying south long after all his friends left. While flying over Wyoming, it got very cold and the bird fell from the sky, frozen and unable to move.  A cow walked by and pooped on him. The warmth of the poop allowed the bird to thaw and be began to flutter about. The barn cat saw him fluttering and grabbed him and ate him. The moral being, those who shit on you may not be the enemy, and those who pull you out of shit may not be your friend. 

HAVE A NICE DAY: I really don't like that one much. It's a bit bossy for my liking. Is it HAVE a nice day? Have a NICE day or Have a nice DAY? Only one day?  Have a NICE day? How about if I want to have a phenomenal day?  Quit telling me what to do!!  (OK...Easy Does IT)..

ANYTHING POLITICAL!! NO NO NO. You are asking for arguments and keyed cars. 

And WHO THE HELL DOES THIS??

OH well. We all have our ways of expressing ourselves. (Live and Let Live) Some of us Blog, and some stick bumper-stickers on every inch of rear real-estate of their vehicles. 

SO, as you drive, and see a thought provoking bumper sticker, take a minute and think about what it means to YOU in your mind. 

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GOD BLESS and Remember, Inhale, Exhale, Repeat as Necessary!

I would like this to be the year of the book!

 

Hello and welcome back to my blog page.  I have, as you know been away from my blog for a while, mostly because I did not know quite which direction I wanted to go with it.  

It started as a collection of random thoughts and ideas and really no direction.  I found that I got bored with trying to think of new, witty and fun stuff to write about without getting political. After a while I decided that maybe I would get political, and I wrote a blog to reflect that. I let it sit without publishing, mainly because it just felt out of my comfort zone.  EVERYONE and their dog was doing political blogs, and a lot of them were just rehashing crap from other blogs...I found that was the case with me too. 

    So after a lot of reflection, and just letting it come to me when it was ready, I realized that since I had written a book about Self Help, and I was now a published author that maybe I would just blog what I know. 

    I finished the book and published it in April of 2020 during the beginning stages of the Covid Pandemic because I had the time.  It was great to see it in print and I was very proud of what I had done.  TO date, I have sold several copies and, of course, would like to get the word out even more.  I would love for this to be a good selling tool for people who just want some simple answers to every day stuff like relationships, co-dependency, sobriety and the like.  I have in the last year, since the book has been out, brainstormed more that I could have written about, so I thought I might just put it here. Again, my goal is to try to write and share as often as possible, but as my book took a long time to write, I can not in all honestly say I will share something every week.  I write when the thoughts hit me. 

    I am currently also writing a children's book the I hope to have done by Summer 2021. I will keep you informed on that.  So, off we go into this new and hopefully improved blog. The Self Help Blog for People Who Hate Self Help Blogs.  

    The BOOK is available on Amazon an through Draft2Digital for Nook and Ipad. 

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Thank you and Keep It Simple