THE EVER PRESENT 'WHAT IFs"

 What if...What if...What if...I cover this a lot in my book.  

The WHAT IFs can be a very time consuming and brain wracking thing.  It goes straight back to not living for today. Worrying about the things you can't change. Again, I address that in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

(From Chapter 2)

We as human beings being human always wonder what if?  What if I had gone to college? What if I hadn't gone to college?  What if I had married my High School sweetheart? What if I HADN’T married my High School Sweetheart?  What if this, what if that?  Truth is, there are no right answers, and second guessing yourself at every turn serves no purpose.  It leads to self-doubt and lack of true happiness. 

 

True happiness is the realization that life happens every day and you have the choice to be part of it, or to sit on the sidelines watching it, afraid to take part because the outcome is uncertain.  You have no doubt heard the old saying, “The only certainty in life is death and taxes”.  (And, of course the certainty that unless you live under a rock, everything you say and do ends up online somewhere. Again, I will discuss this later, because it is a powerful influence on how we do things).  I do car sales right now in my life. It is a commission only business.  I am always under the gun to hit quota, make as much as I can this month because you never know what will happen next month.  It is not for the weak of heart and spirit. Scared the heck out of me when I started.  Today I may be sweating how the mortgage is going to be paid because I didn't sell anything and in less than 24 hours I may have made enough to pay 4 months ahead.  Another movie reference comes to mind. (And I will use a LOT of them throughout this book). Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away was able to get off the island because the storm provided half a porta potty  that he then used as a sail for his raft. Once back in civilization again, he took on a whole new view of life.  He took some chances because on any given day “You never know what the tide will bring in... I guess you need to just step out of the comfort zone and set your focus on letting things happen the way they are supposed to and let go of micro-managing every single tiny thing in your life. See what the tide will bring in. There are times you just need to not give a damn.

It is entirely okay to think about the future and make plans, but do not obsess about outcomes. The sooner one learns to let go of outcomes, the better off your stress level becomes. Lower stress leads to better health. 

For instance, the current social environment is full of what if moments. What if I get Covid? What If I get the vaccine? What if I don't? What if I have a reaction? What if I don't have a reaction. It is really truly enough to make you crazy, and make you sick. The FIRST thing is to try to not change someone else's outcome.  If, for instance, you have an strong opinion about something, let's say getting a flu shot, and you believe fully in doing that, and have a friend who is against it, trying to force them into your way of thinking is usually futile. What if I don't get the shot and get the flu? The other side of it is what if you don't get the shot and don't get the flu?

Life is a crap shoot. A hand of Poker, one hit at the blackjack table... what if  I hit on 15 and bust. What if I hit on 15 and get a 6? What if I hold and the dealer has 14 and busts? The casino is the center of the universe for What IFs! You can what if you entire life savings into oblivion if you are not careful. 

Bottom Line...Don't worry about outcomes. Just make decisions on the facts you have in front of you and take your best guess, because really, life is just a series of best guesses. 

For more, check out my book! Available on:

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INHALE, EXHALE, REPEAT AS NECESSARY

 

In trying times, sometimes we forget that all we have to do to get through the day is inhale, exhale, repeat as necessary! We have to remind ourselves sometimes that getting worked up about things that are beyond our control is futile and a huge waste of energy.  

    It can be as simple as the person in front of you in traffic not going fast enough (which of course is not in your realm of control) or yelling about the price of gas or groceries. Don't get me wrong, you should vent your frustrations because keeping it all in can also lead to anxiety and and anger. BUT you can vent by calmly talking about it, or, of course, use the Serenity Prayer:

God Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,

Courage To Change The Things I Can,

And The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    Even if you don't believe in a higher power (God), this will give you a minute to take a breath and re-center. 

    Another thing that helps is actually inhaling while counting slowly to 5, hold the breath for 5 and exhale while counting to 5. That is 15 seconds that you are not thinking about being pissed off. If you are still upset, do it again. (the repeat as necessary...see what I did there?)

    This simple thing will help you calm yourself, and believe it or not will help you make logical decisions.

    I sell cars. When I show people how much a car is going to cost, or what the payment is, and they catch their breath, (stop breathing) I will tell them...Okay, inhale, exhale, repeat as necessary. They think it's a humorous thing I am saying to lighten things up, and in a way I am. BUT I am also letting them know that there is no reason to panic. JUST BREATHE....

    It is, as a matter of fact, easier said than done.  No one expects you to be calm all the time. If you can catch yourself just one time today, a couple of times tomorrow and a few more times the next day, you will find that very soon  you will quit reacting as emotionally as you might today.  People remark to me about how level I am most of the time. Because I have over time learned to apply this simple thing to pretty much everything in my life. Don't get me wrong. I do fly off the handle and get pissed. But WAY less than I used to. As a result, people I know don't like to upset me. (no one can make me mad. Mad is a reaction to another person) They know if they push me to that point it will be ugly. I don't like to show people that side, so I just Inhale, Exhale, repeat as necessary.

Please check out my book, The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. Available on Amazon, and other readers. 

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Keep Coming Back

I would like this to be the year of the book!

 

Hello and welcome back to my blog page.  I have, as you know been away from my blog for a while, mostly because I did not know quite which direction I wanted to go with it.  

It started as a collection of random thoughts and ideas and really no direction.  I found that I got bored with trying to think of new, witty and fun stuff to write about without getting political. After a while I decided that maybe I would get political, and I wrote a blog to reflect that. I let it sit without publishing, mainly because it just felt out of my comfort zone.  EVERYONE and their dog was doing political blogs, and a lot of them were just rehashing crap from other blogs...I found that was the case with me too. 

    So after a lot of reflection, and just letting it come to me when it was ready, I realized that since I had written a book about Self Help, and I was now a published author that maybe I would just blog what I know. 

    I finished the book and published it in April of 2020 during the beginning stages of the Covid Pandemic because I had the time.  It was great to see it in print and I was very proud of what I had done.  TO date, I have sold several copies and, of course, would like to get the word out even more.  I would love for this to be a good selling tool for people who just want some simple answers to every day stuff like relationships, co-dependency, sobriety and the like.  I have in the last year, since the book has been out, brainstormed more that I could have written about, so I thought I might just put it here. Again, my goal is to try to write and share as often as possible, but as my book took a long time to write, I can not in all honestly say I will share something every week.  I write when the thoughts hit me. 

    I am currently also writing a children's book the I hope to have done by Summer 2021. I will keep you informed on that.  So, off we go into this new and hopefully improved blog. The Self Help Blog for People Who Hate Self Help Blogs.  

    The BOOK is available on Amazon an through Draft2Digital for Nook and Ipad. 

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Thank you and Keep It Simple