Pick your Battles

 Hey everyone. It's been a month since my last blog, dealing with back some issues that are being fixed, and redesigning my office.

I always cruise through various online sites and blogs and social platforms, and take in both side of everything out there, trying to remain as neutral as possible, which is hard sometimes. I try to practice what I preach. Occasionally, though, something will trip my trigger and I will rant or repost. Hey, we are all human beings being human right? 

There is so much finger pointing  and "I'm right, you're wrong" going on that it is hard to tell who the players are and what the end game is.  I will comment on things, trying to be neutral, although, as I said, it is difficult.  I see pages on all kinds of social media sights where it is extreme one way or another. We have forgotten that a middle ground exists, and right now that middle ground is a deserted landscape where no one wants to go.  It has become an us against them society and we have to deal with it every day, and we all have opinions. 

The point is there is all this input and no outlet. I talk to people that say they feel trapped because they feel as though they can not talk to people about anything (even the weather) without getting into a political battle. This is not good for the mind or the body. Isolation from everyday life is a terrible thing. Fear of communication is a terrible thing. So, here is what I do...

I pick my battles. I talk to people, and if it gets to a point of discomfort, I end the conversation. "I really don't think I want to talk about this further."  The other person can accept it, or reject it. If they insist on drumming on, I will say, "thanks" and get up and walk away. Sometimes the other person will call me names, say that I am scared to face the facts (their version of the facts) and so on. Remember, What you think of me is none of my business. It goes back to the North and Southbound roads. Maintain your direction if that is where your are going. 

When you pick your battles, avoid statement like you should, you have to, I know, you're wrong, I'm right, I did it so you should too, THEY SAY, now listen....you get it. 

I capitalized THEY SAY because 80% of information we think we know comes from THEM. If someone says "They say," stop them and ask them who they is. You will probably get and answer like "The experts."  

Remember the scene in Indiana Jones when Indy asked who was studying the Arc? THEY answered "Top Men." We come to find out that it was boxed up and put in a huge storage house, probably in area 51!! Same thing. "The Experts" refers to I have no idea what I am talking about.

You have to realize that there are people who research and people who just get input. Quit watching the news. That is my first piece of advise. Network and cable news shows are the worst for mucking up the waters. One says this is what's going on while the other channel has the exact opposite happening. There are many trusted sources online no matter which side you are on. It's up to you to sift through and find what you think is right. It's a tricky balancing act.  

Try to be Zen and be an observer of the things going on around you. Don't judge, but glean the positive things from all you observe and put them in your to review mental file. Remember, not all is right or wrong. It is all Here and Now. How WE run with it is up to us. 

Summer reading list should include The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

Available on Amazon and other E-reader platforms

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Have a GREAT day. 

How Important Is It?

 We all get stressed over all kinds of stuff.  Getting stressed or angry over things that you think affect your life, whether they do or not, is a waste of time and energy. 

It goes back to not letting stuff rent space in your brain. When something gets you to the point of boiling over, or your head exploding, 💥 you have to ask one simple question to put it all in perspective.  How Important is IT?  Trust me, a lot of the stuff that gets you to that point is never as bad as you think it is. 

Perception is important.  If you perceive something to be terrible, or give it the importance to ruin your day or your week, IT WILL.  Asking How Important is It gives the you a chance to rate the problem.

Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being not terribly bothersome  to 10 being  If I don't do something about this someone could get hurt... 

An example of a "1" would be when you get your favorite coffee from take out and they get the order wrong.  Now, you can go in and make an ass out of yourself yelling a screaming, and accomplish nothing,  OR you can ask, How Important is It? Drink it the way it is and go on with your day.  Or, go back in and politely inform them that they got you order wrong. They will take care of it with a smile most of the time, and everyone is a winner. DON'T CALL 911. (Trust me...it happens). 

I used to close my morning radio show with the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff, It's all small stuff..."  It's true. No matter how insurmountable something seems, there is always an answer. Sometimes the answer may not be the answer YOU had in mind, but there is ALWAYS an answer. That which does not kill me makes me stronger." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Always score stuff on How Important is it?  It puts a lot of things into proper perspective. Any artist will tell you, If the perspective is off, even just a little it throws the whole painting out of whack, The same goes for every day "problems".

The more ZEN you can be about things, the better off you are. Call it self control, internal anger management, or just letting go and letting God. Much of what happens with us is by divine plan. It has nothing to do with religion, the divine plan is what the universe has already put into play.  I does not mean to throw your hands up and just let it happen. The divine always needs help and effort. The divine does not write anything in stone. It is always changing. Like the stock market. Some days are better than others. It's like surfing. Ride the wave. If you fall, another wave will be along.  It's all part of the plan. The eternal now. Stay in the present. 

Check out my book. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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THE EVER PRESENT 'WHAT IFs"

 What if...What if...What if...I cover this a lot in my book.  

The WHAT IFs can be a very time consuming and brain wracking thing.  It goes straight back to not living for today. Worrying about the things you can't change. Again, I address that in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

(From Chapter 2)

We as human beings being human always wonder what if?  What if I had gone to college? What if I hadn't gone to college?  What if I had married my High School sweetheart? What if I HADN’T married my High School Sweetheart?  What if this, what if that?  Truth is, there are no right answers, and second guessing yourself at every turn serves no purpose.  It leads to self-doubt and lack of true happiness. 

 

True happiness is the realization that life happens every day and you have the choice to be part of it, or to sit on the sidelines watching it, afraid to take part because the outcome is uncertain.  You have no doubt heard the old saying, “The only certainty in life is death and taxes”.  (And, of course the certainty that unless you live under a rock, everything you say and do ends up online somewhere. Again, I will discuss this later, because it is a powerful influence on how we do things).  I do car sales right now in my life. It is a commission only business.  I am always under the gun to hit quota, make as much as I can this month because you never know what will happen next month.  It is not for the weak of heart and spirit. Scared the heck out of me when I started.  Today I may be sweating how the mortgage is going to be paid because I didn't sell anything and in less than 24 hours I may have made enough to pay 4 months ahead.  Another movie reference comes to mind. (And I will use a LOT of them throughout this book). Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away was able to get off the island because the storm provided half a porta potty  that he then used as a sail for his raft. Once back in civilization again, he took on a whole new view of life.  He took some chances because on any given day “You never know what the tide will bring in... I guess you need to just step out of the comfort zone and set your focus on letting things happen the way they are supposed to and let go of micro-managing every single tiny thing in your life. See what the tide will bring in. There are times you just need to not give a damn.

It is entirely okay to think about the future and make plans, but do not obsess about outcomes. The sooner one learns to let go of outcomes, the better off your stress level becomes. Lower stress leads to better health. 

For instance, the current social environment is full of what if moments. What if I get Covid? What If I get the vaccine? What if I don't? What if I have a reaction? What if I don't have a reaction. It is really truly enough to make you crazy, and make you sick. The FIRST thing is to try to not change someone else's outcome.  If, for instance, you have an strong opinion about something, let's say getting a flu shot, and you believe fully in doing that, and have a friend who is against it, trying to force them into your way of thinking is usually futile. What if I don't get the shot and get the flu? The other side of it is what if you don't get the shot and don't get the flu?

Life is a crap shoot. A hand of Poker, one hit at the blackjack table... what if  I hit on 15 and bust. What if I hit on 15 and get a 6? What if I hold and the dealer has 14 and busts? The casino is the center of the universe for What IFs! You can what if you entire life savings into oblivion if you are not careful. 

Bottom Line...Don't worry about outcomes. Just make decisions on the facts you have in front of you and take your best guess, because really, life is just a series of best guesses. 

For more, check out my book! Available on:

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