We tend to wall ourselves into a comfort zone. A place where we are not afraid, angry, overly joyful, any feeling that is more than what we are used to.
I have seen this as a counselor, AA Sponsor, and my involvement with Al Anon members. The norm, whatever that may be becomes a comfort zone. In abusive relationships it becomes every day status quo. The abuser will abuse. It is expected and accepted. The alcoholic will come home drunk. It is expected and accepted. The hoarding, over-eating, gambling, sex addiction will continue because it is expected and accepted. Why??
From the outside looking in, we see people going through this and ask why they allow all this to happen. How can they stand this day after day? It is much like the frog in the boiling water. If you put a frog in cold water and let it heat to boiling, the frog will just sit there until it boils to death. If you throw frog into water already at the boil, it will jump out, which of course is the sane thing to do. Too many people have slowly boiling comfort zones. Eventually they will just boil to death.
Getting out of one's comfort zone is a scary thing. It involves the unknown (or unremembered) and sometimes being on one's own. When you have become (co) dependent on a relationship or situation, venturing out can be terrifying. You have to think to yourself that anything has got to be better than what is going on now. Seek counseling, AA, Al Anon, Energy Healing. Whatever is going to nudge you to take a look at yourself and help you make positive changes.
Now, all that being said, remember comfort zones are not exclusive to relationships. They are also relevant to things like jobs, career choices, and attitudes. A good example would be someone who hates their job, and wants to change it, but their comfort zone may be the income. We go into what if thinking which we talked about in an earlier blog. Sometimes you need to just DO IT. Fear is the biggest block we face. I had a martial arts master tell me that fear never killed anyone. It is the reaction to fear that is the killer. But that is an entirely different blog. Overcome the fear and you can do anything you want. Take that first step.
I talk fear more in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.
May you have a wonderful day, and take that first step.
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