The Whine List

 

Hey everyone...

It's been a few weeks since my last blog. I usually write when inspiration hits me. Sometimes 2 or 3 a month, sometimes a period will go by where there is nothing. Much like rain in Las Vegas. 

All the blog advice sites say to keep a strong readership, you should post on a regular basis.  Keep in front of the reader.  While I see the sense in that, I also refuse to blather on about stuff just for the sake of "putting something in front of my readers."  Many blogs become what I refer to as "WHINE LISTS."

I read a lot of blogs that pick a topic, whether politics, lifestyle, health, yadda yadda...and bitch and moan about whatever the talking point is. 

"I hate this...."

"I can't stand that..."

"They need to...they should...I would do it like this...."

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of blogs that are insightful and helpful and interesting. I follow many of them. My hat is off to many bloggers that research, verify points they are making and argue their point in a coherent manner. Keep on, carry on, and God bless you.

What I am talking about are people who take a headline and form an opinion piece. (Nothing wrong with that). The thing with opinion pieces is that they are OPINION and not fact. Trying to make an opinion into a fact is a hopeless task.  If there are 5 marbles on a table, and your opinion piece goes on about why you think there are 7 marbles on the table, no natter how much YOU may believe it, and strive to make all others believe it, the math (research) shows that there are 5 marbles on the table. Period...unless math works differently in your world, in which case I will listen to your argument and make my own decision.  

Trying to make things fact that are conjecture or theory is a long row to hoe. Ask any politician.

If your blog is an op-ed, so be it. Good for you. We need that sort of thing, however, it's a thin line. Forcing or mandating beliefs generally does not work. 

So here I am, spewing forth my opinion about bloggers and facts. (LOL) it is an infinite circle. I am guilty if it too, and try to be mindful of what I pass along. In A.A. we have a phrase, "Take what you like and leave the rest."  Be aware of your Whine List.  Offer you opinion without a solution. Offer a solution based on fact and research. Insightful thought. Offer clarity.  

And with that, I will say...Good Day!

Here's a good little thing to read....The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. 

Available now:

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Psychic Vampires

 

Have you ever been in a situation where one or two people just seem to suck all the energy from the room? They tend to have to be the ones talking all the time and know everything about everything. They will even go as far as to butt into a conversation to give their opinion and end up taking the conversation over. (Mind you, a conversation that had nothing to do with them in the first place).  By the time they are done, you just want to curl up in a ball and take a nap. Welcome to the Psychic Vampire (PV).

Many of these people do not even realize they are sucking your life energy out of you, BUT, there are many of them that do it because they need to do it for survival. After draining your energy, they go on to the next victim, and in the end they feel as though they have done a good thing by sharing their vast wealth of knowledge about everything. They will tell their friends (usually willing victims) about how helpful they were to everyone they talked to. The other side of the coin is that the victims are already talking about never being around that person again. In reality the victim is of no use anymore, and the PV moves on to find new ones.  

So often  however, people allow these PVs to suck all the air out of a room or all the positive energy from a person, and the victim lets them happily in the door again and again. As long as there is a fuel supply for the PV, they will gladly do their part to drain and drain and drain.

My wife, is an Energy Healer, and we have this conversation on a regular basis. In most cases, the PV is a person with horrible negative energy, and will often find the "glass half empty" solution to a problem or situation. This in itself is enough to wear on people around them to the point of wanting to find an escape. There are, however, ways of fending off PVs.  The first, of course, is to recognize them and steer clear by miles.  This is, of course not always possible in certain social settings of family situations. It is very tricky to navigate sometimes. 

You can ask your higher powers to shield you and protect you from these PVs, much like wearing Garlic around your neck to ward off blood suckers. 

There are many crystals that help as well.

I wear Tourmaline a lot! Mine is set in gold and is a very pretty piece. I get many compliments on it, and yet no one realizes that it is my first defense against energy suckers. My forward deflector shield. It is one of the most powerful energy protection stones there is. Does great for blocking negative crap that PVs tend to wield. 

It's all about energy. Deflecting the negative and absorbing the positive. Remember, you are the sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with on a regular basis.  Positive people exude positive energy and you will be surrounded by that. Negative people (PVs) will drag you down into their abyss exhausting or depressing you. It is not a good feeling or comfortable place.  So, be aware, keep your antenna up and your shield strong.  Find an energy healer to help you learn how to protect yourself from all the negative stuff out there. Here is a link you can check out:

 Design for Life Energy Healer

And, while you are at it, make The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books  part of your summer reading!

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Have an "Imperfect" Day

 I actually posted this in 2017, but I think it is worth re-visiting. A reminder that perfection is all a state of mind, and in many cases, unattainable.  From FEB. 2017: 

"No one is perfect".  How many times have we heard this or even used it as an excuse for lack of knowledge or experience?  

The whole perfection thing is a lot of pressure. We are raised to be the best we can be. That is WAYYYY different than being perfect.

You don't have to be perfect. Perfection is a illusion. It's unattainable. It's a unicorn.  Great to imagine, but in real life, it's still a horse with a horn glued to its head.  

However, there is a way, somewhat Taoist to look at this. If you have have imperfections, and those imperfections make up the person you are, then it would only fit that you are perfect in your imperfection. You are the perfect you. 

We are hit from all sides with media and peer pressure to look a certain way, or dress with a certain style, or have a perfect hair style yadda yadda yadda.....It tends to make one very self conscious about one's self.  You hear the horror stories every day. Young kids turning to drugs, self mutilation, depression, isolationism, suicide...all for what? Because they don't fit in with the latest trend. 

True, some people are genetically predisposed to "good looks" or "athleticism" or brilliance...and some are not as attractive, or strong or smart.  Nature will always balance. Yes, it has been proven that mates tend to gravitate toward the strongest of the herd. Or the prettiest..(example Bird of Paradise). In nature, this is for survival of the species. Humans do not have that problem. We get together, hang out, have sex with each other and boom....on goes the species. And yes, sometime alcohol is involved that makes you pair up with someone that for whatever reason you would not normally pair up with. 

Point is, there is someone for everyone. What I find unattractive in someone, the next person with see as the one they have been looking for all their life...perfect in their imperfections.  A lot of "imperfection" has to do with self image.  We all can do things to make changes in what we see as faults in ourselves. All good. Make those changes.  Embrace those changes. But, be sure you are doing it for the right reason. You can not be beautiful to others until you are beautiful to yourself.  You can only love others when you love yourself first.  Embrace your imperfections and love them. Life is a wonderful thing once you  realize that you don't have to be a clone on the model on TV who is pushing the latest "make yourself perfect" product.  Just be the best you that you can be.  

Have an "imperfect" day!

LET GO AND LET GOD ... Another Bumper Sticker Story

     As many of you know, I am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous, have have spent more than 30 years both learning and teaching in the program.  AA and Al-anon have, over the years, been cubby-holed by some as Those slogan groups.  You know... You will see bumper stickers, or go to a meeting for the first few times and will no doubt hear people say "One day at a time (ODAT), Keep it Simple, Easy Does It, Let Go and Let God, It works if you work it."  To the outsider, these may seem to be just slogans, or bumper stickers or cheerleading for sobriety. BUT to people that are in the program, really working it, they become mantras to a new way of life. 

I am not here to extol the virtues of 12 step programs. But I would like to share a story with you that happened to me a little over a year into my sobriety.

It was late summer, 1984. I had just completed a year and a half in Broadcasting school, and the same amount of time in AA, it was time to make a move. With my bags packed, and a new car, I set out on the road armed with my diploma, tapes of what I could offer a radio station smart enough to hire me, and the wind at my back. No computers or smartphones at the time, but I did have a radio station guide that listed every station in the United States. SO I began to cold-call visit, sometimes just leaving my tape and resume, and sometimes talking to Program Directors. 

It was not long until a bit of reality set in and I was to realize that it was not going to be an easy task, this radio thing.  I listened to DJs on all kinds of stations as I drove, trying to pick up some style pointers. My route was through Northern California, Nevada, Las Vegas, L.A. and across to Phoenix, Az.  From there up to New Mexico, Texas and who knew from there. 

I arrived in Phoenix. I visited a total of four stations there, and was turned away from all, mostly due to lack of on air experience, which is what I was getting pretty much everywhere.  It was 110 degrees, I was worn out and lost. I could not seem to find my way out of town. Frustrated and feeling very sorry for myself. I felt like I needed a drink very badly. My next stop was a bar. Any bar.  I was going to figure out my next move over a couple or more beers.  

I was sitting at a red light, and the car behind me tooted his horn.  I rolled my window down, pointed at the red light and gave him a WTF hand gesture. When the light turned green I peeled away from the light only to catch the next red light. The car behind me pulled up beside me, and again honked his horn. He rolled his passenger window down, I rolled my window down and asked him, in a not so friendly tone, what the hell he wanted?  He smiled, and said, "I saw your Easy Does It bumper Sticker. Saw you were from California, and you look a little stressed. I'm headed for a meeting up the block? Wanna Follow me?"

I was gob-smacked. My higher power had stepped in when I needed help and sent an angel to show me HIS will.  I went to the meeting, and the topic was HIS will HIS way (vs. HIS will MY way). We all want to think we are in control, and want to hold on to a tiny thread of control even if we turn it over to God. I am not get religious here, I use the term GOD to define any power greater than yourself or Higher Power as we more often refer to it. 

The man who honked at me was Carl, and he and I remained friends over 20 years until he died. That one moment in time may have saved my life. 

Remember, when you turn your will and life over to the care of God as you understand Him, Her or It, you also have to recognize when your higher power puts the answer in front of you. I go into that a little deeper in my book: The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

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In the meantime, remember that the answers are always in front of you. Sometimes you need to get your ego out the way to see the solution. 

Have a Great Day!

Nothing Matters Much and Very Little Matters at All

 My late father-in-law was a brilliant man. He lived a long, happy life. One of his mantras was Nothing Matters Much, and Very Little Matters at All. There is a very deep train of thought here. It is a lot like trying to conceptualize the universe being infinite without trying to figure out where the universe is contained.  It's a little more than we can comprehend without being Stephen Hawking or at least in the company of that type of brain-pan. 

In the great scheme of things, we may make a small difference in the world, much like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. But in the big picture, we have to remember that we, as humans have done a lot in the history of us, but we have been here for but a sneeze in the history of time. All the hand wringing about saving the planet is a bit of a pipe dream. At some point we will, as a species, likely go extinct. It is a given, and when humans are no longer here, the planet will heal itself. That's what mother Earth does. She has done it many times before, and will do it again. At one time the dinosaurs were the ruling species. They were here for far longer than humans, and I am sure that all that Methane from all the dino-poo and T-Rex farts were a factor in Jurassic global warming, not to mention all the volcanic activity and swamp gas. The planet is continuously in flux. Boom....asteroid, Dinos done...Planet goes into  years of darkness....but...Mother Earth took a breath and fixed herself. 

We humans are driven by Ego. We think we are the ultimate power in the universe, or at least on the planet. But everything we do, everything we fight for, every cause we back is short term, and the planet only needs saving from US.  No matter how important we think we are, the planet just sees us as an irritant. Like fleas on a dog... A nuisance.  Look at the mountains, the Grand canyon, Oceans, rivers...All that was here WAY before we were here, and Mother Earth did that all by herself without our help. We can shape mountains by excavating for the riches they hold, but we can never build mountains. The fact that a mountain grows at a pace of 1 inch every 1000 years is way too slow for humans to comprehend. The continental plates move about an inch a year. Again way too slow to comprehend. But to the planet, over her life, entire continents have shifted thousand of miles at a rate of an inch or so a year with the occasional jump like a major shift in the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. 17 feet of movement in less than a minute. That certainly got our attention. We called it a disaster. Mother Earth called it taking a breath. It didn't matter much to her. Probably didn't really matter at all. It's what the planet does, and no matter how important we think we are, Mother Earth is going to pre-empt everything we do eventually. 

Human extinction is a concept that we have a hard time getting our heads around. But, be it by our own hand or natural causes like an giant asteroid, or Yellowstone Super-volcanic eruption, we will probably be gone, or at least whittled down to a few thousand survivors. It may be another 100 years, or another 500,000 years. Even if we manage to populate another planet, we are ultimately not in control of anything. The universe will dictate our survival.  

We can only be a part of now. Love now, Live in the now. Because 500 years from now, who is going to remember who you were, or who you loved or what you did for a living? None of it matters much. If you leave a legacy, that will be wonderful. A Mozart, a Chopin, a Jesus. How much will it all matter once you are dust and part of the Mother Earth? 

But there is a chance mankind will evolve and a giant shift will happen. We will learn to live in a totally new way. WE will all make a difference. Maybe we will teleport instead of using vehicles. Maybe we will live in a world where there will no rich or poor. Enlightenment to the point of just being in the now. There will ALWAYS be "bad seeds" but maybe they will be a super-minority. A world of autonomy and respect. Wipe the negative energy from the galaxy for good... and FOR GOOD. Boom! Outta here! Where nothing would matter much, and very little will matter at all because the positivity will just BE. 

And so it is!

And while you are contemplating all that, check out my book, The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books! 

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Pick your Battles

 Hey everyone. It's been a month since my last blog, dealing with back some issues that are being fixed, and redesigning my office.

I always cruise through various online sites and blogs and social platforms, and take in both side of everything out there, trying to remain as neutral as possible, which is hard sometimes. I try to practice what I preach. Occasionally, though, something will trip my trigger and I will rant or repost. Hey, we are all human beings being human right? 

There is so much finger pointing  and "I'm right, you're wrong" going on that it is hard to tell who the players are and what the end game is.  I will comment on things, trying to be neutral, although, as I said, it is difficult.  I see pages on all kinds of social media sights where it is extreme one way or another. We have forgotten that a middle ground exists, and right now that middle ground is a deserted landscape where no one wants to go.  It has become an us against them society and we have to deal with it every day, and we all have opinions. 

The point is there is all this input and no outlet. I talk to people that say they feel trapped because they feel as though they can not talk to people about anything (even the weather) without getting into a political battle. This is not good for the mind or the body. Isolation from everyday life is a terrible thing. Fear of communication is a terrible thing. So, here is what I do...

I pick my battles. I talk to people, and if it gets to a point of discomfort, I end the conversation. "I really don't think I want to talk about this further."  The other person can accept it, or reject it. If they insist on drumming on, I will say, "thanks" and get up and walk away. Sometimes the other person will call me names, say that I am scared to face the facts (their version of the facts) and so on. Remember, What you think of me is none of my business. It goes back to the North and Southbound roads. Maintain your direction if that is where your are going. 

When you pick your battles, avoid statement like you should, you have to, I know, you're wrong, I'm right, I did it so you should too, THEY SAY, now listen....you get it. 

I capitalized THEY SAY because 80% of information we think we know comes from THEM. If someone says "They say," stop them and ask them who they is. You will probably get and answer like "The experts."  

Remember the scene in Indiana Jones when Indy asked who was studying the Arc? THEY answered "Top Men." We come to find out that it was boxed up and put in a huge storage house, probably in area 51!! Same thing. "The Experts" refers to I have no idea what I am talking about.

You have to realize that there are people who research and people who just get input. Quit watching the news. That is my first piece of advise. Network and cable news shows are the worst for mucking up the waters. One says this is what's going on while the other channel has the exact opposite happening. There are many trusted sources online no matter which side you are on. It's up to you to sift through and find what you think is right. It's a tricky balancing act.  

Try to be Zen and be an observer of the things going on around you. Don't judge, but glean the positive things from all you observe and put them in your to review mental file. Remember, not all is right or wrong. It is all Here and Now. How WE run with it is up to us. 

Summer reading list should include The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

Available on Amazon and other E-reader platforms

Amazon            Nook, Ibooks and more

Have a GREAT day. 

Northbound / Southbound

 It seems to me that more and more people are more and more angry over "the state of things" (whatever that may be) and as a result lash out and have tunnel vision, not seeing beyond their own noses. 

I will not get political, or jump on the latest to vax or not to vax bandwagon. I will not talk about who the President is, shortcomings of any one political party etc.. If you want that argument, there are millions of far left and far right blogs out there that can keep you busy all day. It is not here. 

The main problem I see here in society as a whole, and I mean society world-wide, not just in the good ol' USA, is that we have gotten very black and white with our views on, well, everything.  We as a population have become uber-polarized. I am right, You are wrong...Period...This is not the kind of attitude that makes for harmony and loving relationships. We have spun out of control like an unruly Kindergarten class, and it is something that should concern everyone. 

How do reign this in? How do we put the toothpaste back into the tube? Can we? Do we, as individuals have the will and desire to slow the hell down and look at the big picture. The wonderful thing about freedom of thought is just that. Freedom of thought. The ability to make our own minds up. Just because we have different views on any given subject does not allow us to force our belief on others. It has never worked historically. We have no right to judge others because they have a different opinion from ours.

We have to start by getting our ego in check. The need to lash out has to do more with ego than with anything else. We have  to be right. Period. Full Stop. On the other side of the fence, that person also believes in their opinion and their ego will not concede either. What you have is two steaming bowls of crap looking at each other. 

While one sees the sky as blue, the other will say it is green, and no matter what you say, you are wrong. The sky is not blue. At that point, they refuse to listen to any evidence that shows that the sky is indeed blue. The ego of the blue skyer is now to the point that they are on a mission to sway the other person and not let up until they admit the sky is blue. To what end? Let them think the sky is green and get on with your day under your blue sky. Maybe somewhere the green sky person will do some research and see that maybe there is a blue sky after all. Of course, it may have to do with what they have been lead to believe all their life. They may have been told by everyone they get their information from, that the actual color blue (to everyone else) is green, thus making them misinformed rather than wrong. They see blue as green. If so, they are in for many arguments throughout their life, and, maybe being told a thousand times by different sources that the sky is blue, they may come around and change their definition. In the meantime, we must live and let live, and allow people to exist in their own little universes. Don't spread hate and discontent just because you have a different opinion or view of things than others.  

Be careful not to get ugly because someone does not agree with you. Don't let the little ego monster inside you get the better of you. If you feel as though you are fighting against the wind, let it go. Great saying from Alcoholics Anonymous : What people think of me is none of my business. Keep that in mind. The road has two lanes. One going North, one going South. People travel in both directions and get to the destination they are bound for. Why try to make the people in the southbound lane follow you and head North? Go to where you are going and let them go where they are going. You will pass each other along the way. Wave and smile. All the rest is bullshit.

We go into ego a bit deeper in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books, Order today and enjoy!

Have a super day...Northbound OR Southbound. 

AMAZON                                       ALL THE REST

Escaping your Comfort Zone

 We tend to wall ourselves into a comfort zone. A place where we are not afraid, angry, overly joyful, any feeling that is more than what we are used to. 

I have seen this as a counselor, AA Sponsor, and my involvement with Al Anon members.  The norm, whatever that may be becomes a comfort zone.  In abusive relationships it becomes every day status quo. The abuser will abuse. It is expected and accepted. The alcoholic will come home drunk. It is expected and accepted. The hoarding, over-eating, gambling, sex addiction will continue because it is expected and accepted. Why??

From the outside looking in, we see people going through this and ask why they allow all this to happen. How can they stand this day after day?  It is much like the frog in the boiling water. If you put a frog in cold water and let it heat to boiling, the frog will just sit there until it boils to death. If you throw frog into water already at the boil, it will jump out, which of course is the sane thing to do. Too many people have slowly boiling comfort zones. Eventually they will just boil to death.

Getting out of one's comfort zone is a scary thing. It involves the unknown (or unremembered) and sometimes being on one's own. When you have become (co) dependent on a relationship or situation, venturing out can be terrifying. You have to think to yourself that anything has got to be better than what is going on now.  Seek counseling, AA, Al Anon, Energy Healing. Whatever is going to nudge you to take a look at yourself and help you make positive changes.

Now, all that being said, remember comfort zones are not exclusive to relationships. They are also relevant to things like jobs, career choices, and attitudes. A good example would be someone who hates their job, and wants to change it, but their comfort zone may be the income. We go into what if  thinking which we talked about in an earlier blog. Sometimes you need to just DO IT. Fear is the biggest block we face. I had a martial arts master tell me that fear never killed anyone. It is the reaction to fear that is the killer.  But that is an entirely different blog. Overcome the fear and you can do anything you want. Take that first step. 

I talk fear more in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

May you have a wonderful day, and take that first step. 

      AMAZON                                                 All Other E readers

ADD TO CART is not a therapy

 

No Doubt we have all felt the effects of solitude and separation- anxiety during the Pandemic of 2020. There are only so many re-runs of That 70's Show you can watch before you want a change.  

Some turn to various interests such as drawing, writing, music, painting, arts and crafts and the like. Others turn to online shopping. 

I actually got this idea from a meme I saw posted. 

Therapist: "And what do we say when we are feeling lonely and depressed?"

Patient: "Add to Cart."

Therapist: "NO!"

The meme, of course was meant to be funny. But there is more truth in it than we care to admit.  

With the way things are, we can't just go to the store the way we used to.  It's an adventure now. Masks, gloves, wrapping yourself in clear-wrap and the like. Then they only allow a certain number to people to enter at any one time and you are stuck in the cold, or the heat (Vegas in the Summer) waiting your turn to go in and try to maintain 6 feet between you and every other human being in the store.  UGH! 

So, society has embraced online shopping more than ever.  It is a good thing, you can get anything you want from the safety of your own home. Or is it?  We are forced into solitude and isolation by the rules. (You may insert your own rant here...I will keep my thoughts to myself). Humans by nature are not solitary creatures. We thrive on relationships and human contact. We need to feel the touch of a friend, have a shoulder to literally cry on, or just sit in a room and talk to each other.  Facetime, Zoom, Messaging, all that is fine to a point, but none of that replaces the human contact that is genetic to human beings.  (Or any animal that is not a solitary hunter).  

So, we hole up in our caves and try to replace that need with buying crap. Hey, don't get me wrong, I get a lot of stuff on line now instead of going to the Mart. Essentials. Stuff I would get on a daily basis. If I don't need t today, I can prime my way to delivery tomorrow. 

I am, of course talking about the online shopping experience that involves hours of boredom-scrolling through your shopping platform(s) of choice and buying on impulse. Things you would never think to buy or even want to buy if you were out in the shopping wild.  We justify it by saying to ourselves I am not doing anything else, why not treat myself to a.....(fill in useless thing you will never use here). 

Admittedly,  I have done my share of this too, but never to excess. I may think I need a new computer keyboard that lights up, buy it, and low an behold, I am typing on it now. Did I need it? Not really. But it is something I justify because I actually wanted it and did a search for it. Pre-meditated shopping! 

Only you can decide what is ADD TO CART binge shopping to fill a void in your life. But like anything else, admitting you are doing it is the first step. Only you can be your own shopping police. Be aware, be conscious of what you are doing and why. Get up, walk around and think Do I really need or want this thing before you ADD TO CART.  You might even save a little money!

You might do one more add to cart and order my book. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

Available on Amazon and Nook, iBooks and other e readers.

Have a great day!

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The Clock is Ticking

 So, Here is a thought for you. Procrastination sucks. 

Time is all there is in the NOW, and it seems to go by faster the older we get. Being in my sixth decade, I cannot believe how fast it goes by. It seem like the minute you get the Christmas lights down, you have to turn around and put them up again. 

When we were kids, time dragged on. School days lasted for hours on end, and the only time it seemed that time sped up was either when you had a paper due, or you were out playing and had to come in.  The big difference is that as you grow older, you become more aware of the time. You begin to deal with schedules. You have appointments. You have kids that are in sports, you have a job, you have a family, and suddenly time just accelerates and you "have no time to do anything but what you have to do." 

I have a daily planner as most organized people do. I have had to get into the habit of actually using it. I know everyone of you has started the year with a planner, sat down with good intentions, and at the end of the year, January is nicely filled out, then nothing except birthdays and anniversaries that you filled in the first day that you had it.  Do yourself a favor and use your planner. Along with the appointments and the stuff you have to do, block out a time during each day to not do anything, and stick to it. It does not have to be a huge amount of time, just a time every day around your other stuff to hang out with yourself. 

I sell cars, so my days are spent full on waiting for the next customer to walk in or on the phone trying to generate the next buyer. So when I am at work, I try to be productive with my time. I also block out a little time during each day to decompress. Even if it's only 15 minutes. On my days off, I do stuff with my wife, but there is always a me time  block there to just be with me.  I like to take short naps in the afternoon on my days off. I always have time to do that, because it recharges my spirit and body. Napping is not wasting time, it is a necessary time to let the body slow down. There has been much research done on the benefits of napping, and many large corporations encourage a 15 -20 minute power nap which has been shown to increase productivity. 

But let's get back to the main point of time. We cannot get time back. Procrastination is a killer. We tend to procrastinate over the things we don't like to do. Doing taxes, cleaning house, seeing the doctor or dentist, emptying the cat box. All things that if left for later  can turn bad. We would rather just sit around on the computer, or watch TV or do anything other than what needs to be done. And funny enough, once you do get the stuff done, a lot of the time you will ask yourself, why didn't I do that sooner?  

Budget your time. It goes by fast. My wife was raised by British parents, and over the last 20 years with her, we have never missed tea time. It is a great habit, because it makes you slow down and take a break from the day. In Mexico, they have mid day siesta. Very smart. Anything to break the stress of the day up. You need to find your own way to break the day up and take time for just you. You will find that your stress levels will drop a lot!

I cover this in my book,  The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.   

Here is an excerpt from the chapter "There is no Present Like the Time"

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How much time do we waste doing … whatever...?  We have to sleep, we have to eat, we have to work.  In this day and age, we have to check our email, we have to look at Facebook (to see what all our thousands of friends are doing). I suppose if you took a stopwatch, and timed all the things that distract you, you would be amazed, no, GOBSMACKED by how much time you devote to useless, aimless distractions.  We all do.  And, as the technology gets more advanced, we will continue to divert our creativity to the tiny micro-processors in our devices. We will, in a sense, become the BORG. Like in Star Trek, Next Generation. All of us part human, part machine, run by one group conscious in our wearable tech.  Look around you.  How many people do you see with their heads in their smart phone or smart watch? A little scary, huh? Now, let’s just play with some hypothetical numbers.

 

Say the average guy or gal spends 1 hour on their phone a day doing useless, mindless crap.  Now let’s insert that into a business setting that has, say 50 people working there. Already you see that there is 50 hours a day of lost production.  Over a 5-day work week, that would be 250 hours a week of lost production.  Let’s say each person makes 20.00 per hour.  That comes to $5,000.00 a week that the company is spending on people doing meaningless stuff on their phone. ($260,000 a year). That's a lot of money spent for people to play silly games, or comment on someone's restaurant choice.

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That is, or course, a rather simple example, but you get the point.

Time and Tide wait for no man. - Geoffrey Chaucer

It is a fact that we are only here in this incarnation for a very short time. A blip on the evolutionary clock. It is only common sense, then, to make the best of that time and not fritter it away.  Balance your time wisely and you will find you get more done and feel better about yourself. Have a wonderful day. 

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How Important Is It?

 We all get stressed over all kinds of stuff.  Getting stressed or angry over things that you think affect your life, whether they do or not, is a waste of time and energy. 

It goes back to not letting stuff rent space in your brain. When something gets you to the point of boiling over, or your head exploding, 💥 you have to ask one simple question to put it all in perspective.  How Important is IT?  Trust me, a lot of the stuff that gets you to that point is never as bad as you think it is. 

Perception is important.  If you perceive something to be terrible, or give it the importance to ruin your day or your week, IT WILL.  Asking How Important is It gives the you a chance to rate the problem.

Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being not terribly bothersome  to 10 being  If I don't do something about this someone could get hurt... 

An example of a "1" would be when you get your favorite coffee from take out and they get the order wrong.  Now, you can go in and make an ass out of yourself yelling a screaming, and accomplish nothing,  OR you can ask, How Important is It? Drink it the way it is and go on with your day.  Or, go back in and politely inform them that they got you order wrong. They will take care of it with a smile most of the time, and everyone is a winner. DON'T CALL 911. (Trust me...it happens). 

I used to close my morning radio show with the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff, It's all small stuff..."  It's true. No matter how insurmountable something seems, there is always an answer. Sometimes the answer may not be the answer YOU had in mind, but there is ALWAYS an answer. That which does not kill me makes me stronger." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Always score stuff on How Important is it?  It puts a lot of things into proper perspective. Any artist will tell you, If the perspective is off, even just a little it throws the whole painting out of whack, The same goes for every day "problems".

The more ZEN you can be about things, the better off you are. Call it self control, internal anger management, or just letting go and letting God. Much of what happens with us is by divine plan. It has nothing to do with religion, the divine plan is what the universe has already put into play.  I does not mean to throw your hands up and just let it happen. The divine always needs help and effort. The divine does not write anything in stone. It is always changing. Like the stock market. Some days are better than others. It's like surfing. Ride the wave. If you fall, another wave will be along.  It's all part of the plan. The eternal now. Stay in the present. 

Check out my book. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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Be A Teacher

 Be a Teacher.  Pass on what you know. In other words, allow others to learn from you. Being a teacher does not necessarily mean you must sit people down and lecture to them about your opinions or beliefs.  That is not really teaching.  It is a different thing if you are a seminar speaker, or doing actual formal classes.  When I speak of being a teacher, teach by example. Answer questions rather than offering unsolicited advice.  Let them come to you. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Trying to teach anyone who is not ready is a waste of time and energy on both parts. 

Do not under any circumstances try to fake teaching something you do not know.  I know a lot of people who try to guide others and don't have a clue what they are saying. The blind leading the blind as it were. If someone comes to you seeking answers, sometimes the correct answer is "I'm sorry, I don't know".  You don't have to be a Guru.  No one will think less of you if you don't know. If you fake it, then you are just a snake oil salesman. 

Put ego aside, and allow people to learn from you. If I ask you, "What is the meaning of life? Maybe will you say "It is simple. You just be good to people and you will be happy..." That, of course is YOUR meaning (of life).  When I am asked a question like that, I may answer, "What does it mean to you?"  Ninety Percent of questions people ask they already know the answers to. They just have to be reminded that they already know it. 

Part of being a teacher to to always be a student. No one has all the answers. Wisdom comes from a conglomeration of different inputs. 

Zen Masters learn from many teachers. ZEN is not a religion. It is a series of understandings that lead to inner peace and understanding of all that which is around you. Always learn, Do not judge, do not let your ego lead you to thinking that you know everything. We have the knowledge inside us, but until we awaken the knowledge, we do not have it consciously. 

The same goes for being spiritual vs religious. I am not going to cheer for one side or the other.  Religious people believe one way, one truth. Spiritual people may have several beliefs based on several religions. They are, really two sides of the same coin.  Jesus, Buddah, Mohammed, (Obi Wan Kenobi) were all amazing teachers. When it comes down to it, we all want to treated by others the way we would treat them. TEACH goodness by example. Everything else will fall into place.

Please order and read my book: The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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God Bless and Pass on what you know.

If It Is Renting Too Much Space In Your Brain...Evict It!

 I had a coworker say to me, after a particularly frustrating day in car sales, "Don't let those people rent space in your brain for one more minute." 

I've held on to that over the years and have used that analogy many times. Whether it's coworkers, customers, relatives, or even things posted on Facebook or Twitter. If you take stuff on board and let it rent space in your brain that could be used for other things, you need to evict it!

The media, for all the cool stuff that's out there, is a perfect example of a vehicle that plants things in our mind and then keeps it in front of us. Even if we don't want to obsess over something, the media forces us to by keeping it in front of our face all the time. Whether it's politics, health, covid-19, vaccinations, how horrible things are in general, whatever it may be. We're in a society where forced obsession is the way of things, and it can be very scary. It's very hard to just let all of that go... but it can be done. 

If you can meditate or get inside yourself and center your being to where you can shut out all of the negative influences coming into your mind, you will find it much easier to let go of these things that you obsess about.

One thing you can do, is not watch the news or surf the internet... Facebook, Twitter, all those things where these negative influences come into your brain right before bed.

 The mind has a way, as you know if you've ever suffered from insomnia, of having everything in the world cave in on your brain all at once in the middle of the night. For some reason, that is the ultimate time to worry about shit. I have literally woken up in the middle of the night and thought about stuff to worry about that I would never think about during daylight hours. It's amazing the stuff that your mind can come up with. I try to tell it to stop thinking about it, and of course I start thinking about the fact that I'm not thinking about the thing I don't want to think about. It is, a vicious cycle.

There are many good meditations websites out there. But really all you need to do is find a good piece of meditation music on your music player, start it, close your eyes for 20 minutes and just concentrate on the music or the sounds of nature that are playing. If you find your mind wavering just bring it back to your main thought of "I am meditating nothing else is coming into my brain other than the music or the sounds of nature." There are a lot of guided meditations out there. I use the ones by Deepak Chopra a lot. 

I've heard it said many times that the brain cannot think two thoughts at the same time. If you're anything like me, your brain tries very hard to disprove that theory. Again meditation, zeroing in on one thought, one color in your mind, one sound of nature, will help you to get rid of all of those thoughts that are hammering into your consciousness. 

I heard a speaker in AA once referred to the thoughts in your brain as the committee. The committee will always try to convince you one way or another. Think of it as a bunch of old guys in white powdered wigs sitting across from each other and arguing why something is good and why it is not good. The committee will be the first to tell you why you should do something that's bad for you, and why you shouldn't do something that's good for you. I talk about the committee a lot in my book The self-help book for people who hate self-help books. 

Don't get these confused with voices in your head because that is a clinical diagnosis for a much deeper problem. Every human being has thoughts racing around that we seemingly have no control over. The only thing we can do is try to override those thoughts with other, hopefully better thoughts. 

Again you're not going to achieve this on the first day of rushing into doing a meditation. It will gradually, over several days or weeks, first become a habit, and become easier as you go along because you learn how to focus on the now. Remember that living in the now is the key to serenity and keeping yourself from obsessing over things that are beyond your control.

Please follow these links to my book The Self-Help book for people who hate self-help books. It's available on Amazon and also through nook, iBooks, and several other e-readers by clicking the link below. Have a wonderful day.

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I understand that you are so concerned about me, but...

      I posted something on Facebook recently and was "Put in my place" by people I don't even know. Trolls, maybe. But here is the thing. Why are you, a person who knows nothing about me, so concerned about my opinions, feelings or beliefs.  

     It is almost like you  have a resentment because you have a resentment against me for making you have a resentment against me... filling your mind with shit that isn't any of your business in the first place. It's like a double secret resentment. It's like being mad at me for making you mad at me. It makes no sense.  😕

    Instead of being so concerned about the way other people are, even people you don't know, perhaps one should examine why you are reacting the way they do. Is this a need to try to change someone's way of thinking? Is it misdirected concern that if someone thinks differently than you that their world will come crashing in on them? Or, maybe it is a mechanism to verify to yourself that you are right and they are wrong.  OR maybe is is simply a co-dependent reaction to try to fix people. 

    Co-dependency has many many faces.  YOU are not responsible for making someone happy, or making them think the way you do. No matter how right you may think you are, there are people who will not agree with that, or even will set out to, or worse yet, prove you wrong. There is a lot of that going on in society now. The best you can do is just try to detach yourself from the craziness. The truth is, the masses don't care what you think or post on FB. That goes for me, you, everyone. Not everyone agrees with what I write here. That's ok, I do not care. I am not trying to change anyone's mind. I am just an idea starter. A couple of good ways to take yourself out of the fray: Quit watching the news for a couple of days.  Avoid the temptation to make a snarky comment on FB just to be part of the crowd. I call it HERD ASSHOLISM.  Do research before you start telling people how to be or think. Then don't tell them anything!  Nothing is worse than someone who is uninformed informing you how to be.

Here's an idea, check out my book  The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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Have a GREAT DAY!