I understand that you are so concerned about me, but...

      I posted something on Facebook recently and was "Put in my place" by people I don't even know. Trolls, maybe. But here is the thing. Why are you, a person who knows nothing about me, so concerned about my opinions, feelings or beliefs.  

     It is almost like you  have a resentment because you have a resentment against me for making you have a resentment against me... filling your mind with shit that isn't any of your business in the first place. It's like a double secret resentment. It's like being mad at me for making you mad at me. It makes no sense.  😕

    Instead of being so concerned about the way other people are, even people you don't know, perhaps one should examine why you are reacting the way they do. Is this a need to try to change someone's way of thinking? Is it misdirected concern that if someone thinks differently than you that their world will come crashing in on them? Or, maybe it is a mechanism to verify to yourself that you are right and they are wrong.  OR maybe is is simply a co-dependent reaction to try to fix people. 

    Co-dependency has many many faces.  YOU are not responsible for making someone happy, or making them think the way you do. No matter how right you may think you are, there are people who will not agree with that, or even will set out to, or worse yet, prove you wrong. There is a lot of that going on in society now. The best you can do is just try to detach yourself from the craziness. The truth is, the masses don't care what you think or post on FB. That goes for me, you, everyone. Not everyone agrees with what I write here. That's ok, I do not care. I am not trying to change anyone's mind. I am just an idea starter. A couple of good ways to take yourself out of the fray: Quit watching the news for a couple of days.  Avoid the temptation to make a snarky comment on FB just to be part of the crowd. I call it HERD ASSHOLISM.  Do research before you start telling people how to be or think. Then don't tell them anything!  Nothing is worse than someone who is uninformed informing you how to be.

Here's an idea, check out my book  The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

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Have a GREAT DAY!

 

THE EVER PRESENT 'WHAT IFs"

 What if...What if...What if...I cover this a lot in my book.  

The WHAT IFs can be a very time consuming and brain wracking thing.  It goes straight back to not living for today. Worrying about the things you can't change. Again, I address that in my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books.

(From Chapter 2)

We as human beings being human always wonder what if?  What if I had gone to college? What if I hadn't gone to college?  What if I had married my High School sweetheart? What if I HADN’T married my High School Sweetheart?  What if this, what if that?  Truth is, there are no right answers, and second guessing yourself at every turn serves no purpose.  It leads to self-doubt and lack of true happiness. 

 

True happiness is the realization that life happens every day and you have the choice to be part of it, or to sit on the sidelines watching it, afraid to take part because the outcome is uncertain.  You have no doubt heard the old saying, “The only certainty in life is death and taxes”.  (And, of course the certainty that unless you live under a rock, everything you say and do ends up online somewhere. Again, I will discuss this later, because it is a powerful influence on how we do things).  I do car sales right now in my life. It is a commission only business.  I am always under the gun to hit quota, make as much as I can this month because you never know what will happen next month.  It is not for the weak of heart and spirit. Scared the heck out of me when I started.  Today I may be sweating how the mortgage is going to be paid because I didn't sell anything and in less than 24 hours I may have made enough to pay 4 months ahead.  Another movie reference comes to mind. (And I will use a LOT of them throughout this book). Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away was able to get off the island because the storm provided half a porta potty  that he then used as a sail for his raft. Once back in civilization again, he took on a whole new view of life.  He took some chances because on any given day “You never know what the tide will bring in... I guess you need to just step out of the comfort zone and set your focus on letting things happen the way they are supposed to and let go of micro-managing every single tiny thing in your life. See what the tide will bring in. There are times you just need to not give a damn.

It is entirely okay to think about the future and make plans, but do not obsess about outcomes. The sooner one learns to let go of outcomes, the better off your stress level becomes. Lower stress leads to better health. 

For instance, the current social environment is full of what if moments. What if I get Covid? What If I get the vaccine? What if I don't? What if I have a reaction? What if I don't have a reaction. It is really truly enough to make you crazy, and make you sick. The FIRST thing is to try to not change someone else's outcome.  If, for instance, you have an strong opinion about something, let's say getting a flu shot, and you believe fully in doing that, and have a friend who is against it, trying to force them into your way of thinking is usually futile. What if I don't get the shot and get the flu? The other side of it is what if you don't get the shot and don't get the flu?

Life is a crap shoot. A hand of Poker, one hit at the blackjack table... what if  I hit on 15 and bust. What if I hit on 15 and get a 6? What if I hold and the dealer has 14 and busts? The casino is the center of the universe for What IFs! You can what if you entire life savings into oblivion if you are not careful. 

Bottom Line...Don't worry about outcomes. Just make decisions on the facts you have in front of you and take your best guess, because really, life is just a series of best guesses. 

For more, check out my book! Available on:

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INHALE, EXHALE, REPEAT AS NECESSARY

 

In trying times, sometimes we forget that all we have to do to get through the day is inhale, exhale, repeat as necessary! We have to remind ourselves sometimes that getting worked up about things that are beyond our control is futile and a huge waste of energy.  

    It can be as simple as the person in front of you in traffic not going fast enough (which of course is not in your realm of control) or yelling about the price of gas or groceries. Don't get me wrong, you should vent your frustrations because keeping it all in can also lead to anxiety and and anger. BUT you can vent by calmly talking about it, or, of course, use the Serenity Prayer:

God Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,

Courage To Change The Things I Can,

And The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    Even if you don't believe in a higher power (God), this will give you a minute to take a breath and re-center. 

    Another thing that helps is actually inhaling while counting slowly to 5, hold the breath for 5 and exhale while counting to 5. That is 15 seconds that you are not thinking about being pissed off. If you are still upset, do it again. (the repeat as necessary...see what I did there?)

    This simple thing will help you calm yourself, and believe it or not will help you make logical decisions.

    I sell cars. When I show people how much a car is going to cost, or what the payment is, and they catch their breath, (stop breathing) I will tell them...Okay, inhale, exhale, repeat as necessary. They think it's a humorous thing I am saying to lighten things up, and in a way I am. BUT I am also letting them know that there is no reason to panic. JUST BREATHE....

    It is, as a matter of fact, easier said than done.  No one expects you to be calm all the time. If you can catch yourself just one time today, a couple of times tomorrow and a few more times the next day, you will find that very soon  you will quit reacting as emotionally as you might today.  People remark to me about how level I am most of the time. Because I have over time learned to apply this simple thing to pretty much everything in my life. Don't get me wrong. I do fly off the handle and get pissed. But WAY less than I used to. As a result, people I know don't like to upset me. (no one can make me mad. Mad is a reaction to another person) They know if they push me to that point it will be ugly. I don't like to show people that side, so I just Inhale, Exhale, repeat as necessary.

Please check out my book, The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. Available on Amazon, and other readers. 

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Keep Coming Back

A follow up to my 2019 blog ....life with type 2 Diabetes

 

Hello. Part of this new blog has been looking back at stuff I have written before. This, then, is a follow-up from a post in April of 2019 when I found out I had type 2 diabetes.  The original post got a lot of views, and I got great feedback from many people who found themselves going through the same thing I was going through. 

Here, then, is the original post followed up by what is going on today.  A little self help for diabetics....

My First Month of getting control of Type 2 Diabetes

I write about all kinds of stuff here, but rarely do I discuss personal or health issues.  I feel, though, that it is time to share they ways I am dealing with type 2 diabetes.

Having talked to a lot of people about this, I find that almost everyone I know is 'Pre-Diabetic'.  I was also told this about 2 years ago.  I figured I would lose weight, exercise and cut way back on my sugar intake.  At that time my glucose test came back in the mid 100s.  Not great.  I did well for a couple of days, and then blew it off.  Pre meant I was not there yet.  Then, I had labs done in March of this year and my glucose was at 260 and my A1c was 7.4 ... At that point I called my doctor and started getting pro active.   I hated hearing her say that I had full blown Type 2 Diabetes.  It was a serious wake up call and I needed to heed the warning. 

The first thing was the medication. Metformin twice a day.  The scary thing about that was reading the side effects.  Severe gastro intestinal discomfort, gas, serious runs, and cramps. The very worst of anti-social behavior. I took the meds and waited for the worst.  Nothing happened.  I was one of the lucky ones.  To this day, I have no  bad reaction to the Metformin. 

Next on the agenda was to lose weight. That meant a drastic change of diet.  Being in Auto Sales, one tends to eat whatever they can whenever they can.  It's a terrible thing to do to your body.  I think the choices we have in fast food nowadays is tantamount to just eating poison . Some of the taco fast food places can't even tell you what the "Meat Product" the put in their taco is. True Mystery Meat. So, I had to adjust what I ate IN A BIG WAY.  No sugar, no white carbs, a little dark chocolate (90%) and less dairy. 

I swore I would never give up my milk, so I found a brand called Fair Life which is lactose free, half the sugar and organic. One 8 oz glass is fine and I am happy.  Also, Mulberry and Cinnamon from the health food store. One of those a day, and 600mg Alpha Lipoic Acid if you have toe tingling. I got a glucose meter and tracked my readings 2x a day to show my doctor in my follow up. She was pleased that my numbers were down over 100 points 1 month after starting my new AD (After Diabetes) life.  I have shed about 16 pounds and completely changed my diet.  I must say my wife, Nikki, was a HUGE part of this too.  It takes a ton of prep time to eat healthy. She jumped in with both feet and she too has shed some pounds. 

After the first month I feel great. More energy, I can put on my socks and breathe at the same time....Kinda nice.  

It is an ongoing process.  But, I have taken a do or die (literally) attitude regarding this issue.  I have been sober now for 35 years, and quit smoking about 18 years ago.  This is the same thing. It makes no sense to me to load my body up with all this crap.  And it is not easy to avoid sugars. High fructose corn syrup is in everything from Ketchup to salad dressing. Start reading labels. If there is fructose corn syrup, you might as well replace that with the words Rat Poison.  It is my belief, since I started researching all this stuff, that the dramatic rise in type 2 diabetes is in direct proportion to the amount of processed foods humans eat.  There are alternatives to these things. Even so called Health foods are not. Become a label reader.  Things you think are okay are NOT. White rice, corn on the cob, every kind of fruit juice and energy drinks are full of sugars. It will shock you.

Anyway, I am on a new journey, and I will keep you updated.

Have a great (Sugar free) Day!

So NOW, February 2021, after trying to stay within the bounds of my diet, I did end up letting go of about 35 pounds and bringing my A1c down to 5.4 which is in normal range.  NOW, to be fair, I have put on about 8 pounds since then, and my last bloodwork came back at a 5.5 which is still pretty normal. I still take Metformin (Which I have also heard has anti aging properties) and still watch my sugars and carbs, although I could get a little more strict with myself. 

My point is, that type 2 does not have to be a sentence for doom and worse to come. Like anything else, it does take a lot of determination and goal setting.  I talk about goal setting in my book, The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. I had to go at it like I went at staying clean and sober.  If I don't do something about it, I will die young. Pretty good motivator for me. 

Have a great day and remember you can order my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books here....

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Bumper Sticker Therapy Pt. 1

 

    I spend a lot of time in the car and see a lot of bumper stickers. Some clever, some funny, some just stupid, but many of them provoke thought.

    In the movie 28 Days, Sandra Bullock plays a woman in Rehab who really does not want to be there. At one point she is meeting with her counselor, and he gives her some advise. (It was a slogan for AA) and she asked him to quit talking like a bumper sticker. There are many "bumper sticker" slogans in AA, and they all go deeper than the words. One Day At A Time, Easy Does It, Live and Let Live, Let Go And Let God just to quote a few. To someone in the program, it is a sign that the person in the car, or someone in that family is in a 12 step program. When you wave at them at the next red light, most of the time they know why and will wave back. 

    Here is a story that happened to me many years ago. I had been in AA for about a year and a half, and was on a road trip to find a radio job as a morning DJ. My journey took me to Phoenix, Arizona.  Now, in the early 80s Phoenix was a city easy to get lost in. It was about 110 degrees, my interview did not go as I had hoped, and I could not for the life of me find my way out of town. I was sitting at a red light and the guy behind me tooted his horn. My initial reaction was to flip him off because the light was red. My other thoughts were to find a bar close by and re-examine my sobriety.  The light turned green and off I shot. At the next light, the car behind pulled up beside me. He tooted his horn and rolled the passenger window down. I was about as pissed as I could be, and about to lose control on him when he said, "Hey, I saw your bumper sticker (ONE DAY AT A TIME) and see you are from out of state. I'm going to a meeting two blocks from here...you want to come along?" 

    I did, and he and I remained friends until his death 16 years later. 

                                                        ************

     ONE DAY AT A TIME:  Means just that. We take every day as it comes. We quit worrying about yesterday and tomorrow. Today, right now is all that matters. We can't undo what happened 10 seconds ago or what will happen 10 seconds from now. Focus on what you can do in the present NOW.  

    EASY DOES IT:  Another 12 step piece of advise. To ME it means don't over complicate things.  As human beings being human, many of us can escalate the simplest thing into an absolute pile of crap.  It can be the interpretation of something someone says or texts to you, a post on Facebook, a Tweet, whatever.  Take a breath. Easy Does it, Mate. Even if something WAS said in hate or anger, rise above it and wipe it off. It's ego reacting to these things. If you are real and true to yourself, nothing like that should affect you to the point of lashing out. Another saying is AA is probably the one I live by the most. WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Pretty self-explanatory.

                                                        ************

Some that are NOT in the 12 step programs include Shit Happens...Yes, as a matter of fact it does, but it's all the way you look at it.  In my book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books I tell the story of the bird flying south long after all his friends left. While flying over Wyoming, it got very cold and the bird fell from the sky, frozen and unable to move.  A cow walked by and pooped on him. The warmth of the poop allowed the bird to thaw and be began to flutter about. The barn cat saw him fluttering and grabbed him and ate him. The moral being, those who shit on you may not be the enemy, and those who pull you out of shit may not be your friend. 

HAVE A NICE DAY: I really don't like that one much. It's a bit bossy for my liking. Is it HAVE a nice day? Have a NICE day or Have a nice DAY? Only one day?  Have a NICE day? How about if I want to have a phenomenal day?  Quit telling me what to do!!  (OK...Easy Does IT)..

ANYTHING POLITICAL!! NO NO NO. You are asking for arguments and keyed cars. 

And WHO THE HELL DOES THIS??

OH well. We all have our ways of expressing ourselves. (Live and Let Live) Some of us Blog, and some stick bumper-stickers on every inch of rear real-estate of their vehicles. 

SO, as you drive, and see a thought provoking bumper sticker, take a minute and think about what it means to YOU in your mind. 

Please check out my book available on Amazon and Draft2Digital.

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GOD BLESS and Remember, Inhale, Exhale, Repeat as Necessary!

I would like this to be the year of the book!

 

Hello and welcome back to my blog page.  I have, as you know been away from my blog for a while, mostly because I did not know quite which direction I wanted to go with it.  

It started as a collection of random thoughts and ideas and really no direction.  I found that I got bored with trying to think of new, witty and fun stuff to write about without getting political. After a while I decided that maybe I would get political, and I wrote a blog to reflect that. I let it sit without publishing, mainly because it just felt out of my comfort zone.  EVERYONE and their dog was doing political blogs, and a lot of them were just rehashing crap from other blogs...I found that was the case with me too. 

    So after a lot of reflection, and just letting it come to me when it was ready, I realized that since I had written a book about Self Help, and I was now a published author that maybe I would just blog what I know. 

    I finished the book and published it in April of 2020 during the beginning stages of the Covid Pandemic because I had the time.  It was great to see it in print and I was very proud of what I had done.  TO date, I have sold several copies and, of course, would like to get the word out even more.  I would love for this to be a good selling tool for people who just want some simple answers to every day stuff like relationships, co-dependency, sobriety and the like.  I have in the last year, since the book has been out, brainstormed more that I could have written about, so I thought I might just put it here. Again, my goal is to try to write and share as often as possible, but as my book took a long time to write, I can not in all honestly say I will share something every week.  I write when the thoughts hit me. 

    I am currently also writing a children's book the I hope to have done by Summer 2021. I will keep you informed on that.  So, off we go into this new and hopefully improved blog. The Self Help Blog for People Who Hate Self Help Blogs.  

    The BOOK is available on Amazon an through Draft2Digital for Nook and Ipad. 

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Thank you and Keep It Simple 

 

Freedom USA

 My Newest Song "Freedom USA"