Have an "Imperfect" Day

 I actually posted this in 2017, but I think it is worth re-visiting. A reminder that perfection is all a state of mind, and in many cases, unattainable.  From FEB. 2017: 

"No one is perfect".  How many times have we heard this or even used it as an excuse for lack of knowledge or experience?  

The whole perfection thing is a lot of pressure. We are raised to be the best we can be. That is WAYYYY different than being perfect.

You don't have to be perfect. Perfection is a illusion. It's unattainable. It's a unicorn.  Great to imagine, but in real life, it's still a horse with a horn glued to its head.  

However, there is a way, somewhat Taoist to look at this. If you have have imperfections, and those imperfections make up the person you are, then it would only fit that you are perfect in your imperfection. You are the perfect you. 

We are hit from all sides with media and peer pressure to look a certain way, or dress with a certain style, or have a perfect hair style yadda yadda yadda.....It tends to make one very self conscious about one's self.  You hear the horror stories every day. Young kids turning to drugs, self mutilation, depression, isolationism, suicide...all for what? Because they don't fit in with the latest trend. 

True, some people are genetically predisposed to "good looks" or "athleticism" or brilliance...and some are not as attractive, or strong or smart.  Nature will always balance. Yes, it has been proven that mates tend to gravitate toward the strongest of the herd. Or the prettiest..(example Bird of Paradise). In nature, this is for survival of the species. Humans do not have that problem. We get together, hang out, have sex with each other and boom....on goes the species. And yes, sometime alcohol is involved that makes you pair up with someone that for whatever reason you would not normally pair up with. 

Point is, there is someone for everyone. What I find unattractive in someone, the next person with see as the one they have been looking for all their life...perfect in their imperfections.  A lot of "imperfection" has to do with self image.  We all can do things to make changes in what we see as faults in ourselves. All good. Make those changes.  Embrace those changes. But, be sure you are doing it for the right reason. You can not be beautiful to others until you are beautiful to yourself.  You can only love others when you love yourself first.  Embrace your imperfections and love them. Life is a wonderful thing once you  realize that you don't have to be a clone on the model on TV who is pushing the latest "make yourself perfect" product.  Just be the best you that you can be.  

Have an "imperfect" day!

LET GO AND LET GOD ... Another Bumper Sticker Story

     As many of you know, I am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous, have have spent more than 30 years both learning and teaching in the program.  AA and Al-anon have, over the years, been cubby-holed by some as Those slogan groups.  You know... You will see bumper stickers, or go to a meeting for the first few times and will no doubt hear people say "One day at a time (ODAT), Keep it Simple, Easy Does It, Let Go and Let God, It works if you work it."  To the outsider, these may seem to be just slogans, or bumper stickers or cheerleading for sobriety. BUT to people that are in the program, really working it, they become mantras to a new way of life. 

I am not here to extol the virtues of 12 step programs. But I would like to share a story with you that happened to me a little over a year into my sobriety.

It was late summer, 1984. I had just completed a year and a half in Broadcasting school, and the same amount of time in AA, it was time to make a move. With my bags packed, and a new car, I set out on the road armed with my diploma, tapes of what I could offer a radio station smart enough to hire me, and the wind at my back. No computers or smartphones at the time, but I did have a radio station guide that listed every station in the United States. SO I began to cold-call visit, sometimes just leaving my tape and resume, and sometimes talking to Program Directors. 

It was not long until a bit of reality set in and I was to realize that it was not going to be an easy task, this radio thing.  I listened to DJs on all kinds of stations as I drove, trying to pick up some style pointers. My route was through Northern California, Nevada, Las Vegas, L.A. and across to Phoenix, Az.  From there up to New Mexico, Texas and who knew from there. 

I arrived in Phoenix. I visited a total of four stations there, and was turned away from all, mostly due to lack of on air experience, which is what I was getting pretty much everywhere.  It was 110 degrees, I was worn out and lost. I could not seem to find my way out of town. Frustrated and feeling very sorry for myself. I felt like I needed a drink very badly. My next stop was a bar. Any bar.  I was going to figure out my next move over a couple or more beers.  

I was sitting at a red light, and the car behind me tooted his horn.  I rolled my window down, pointed at the red light and gave him a WTF hand gesture. When the light turned green I peeled away from the light only to catch the next red light. The car behind me pulled up beside me, and again honked his horn. He rolled his passenger window down, I rolled my window down and asked him, in a not so friendly tone, what the hell he wanted?  He smiled, and said, "I saw your Easy Does It bumper Sticker. Saw you were from California, and you look a little stressed. I'm headed for a meeting up the block? Wanna Follow me?"

I was gob-smacked. My higher power had stepped in when I needed help and sent an angel to show me HIS will.  I went to the meeting, and the topic was HIS will HIS way (vs. HIS will MY way). We all want to think we are in control, and want to hold on to a tiny thread of control even if we turn it over to God. I am not get religious here, I use the term GOD to define any power greater than yourself or Higher Power as we more often refer to it. 

The man who honked at me was Carl, and he and I remained friends over 20 years until he died. That one moment in time may have saved my life. 

Remember, when you turn your will and life over to the care of God as you understand Him, Her or It, you also have to recognize when your higher power puts the answer in front of you. I go into that a little deeper in my book: The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

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In the meantime, remember that the answers are always in front of you. Sometimes you need to get your ego out the way to see the solution. 

Have a Great Day!

Nothing Matters Much and Very Little Matters at All

 My late father-in-law was a brilliant man. He lived a long, happy life. One of his mantras was Nothing Matters Much, and Very Little Matters at All. There is a very deep train of thought here. It is a lot like trying to conceptualize the universe being infinite without trying to figure out where the universe is contained.  It's a little more than we can comprehend without being Stephen Hawking or at least in the company of that type of brain-pan. 

In the great scheme of things, we may make a small difference in the world, much like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. But in the big picture, we have to remember that we, as humans have done a lot in the history of us, but we have been here for but a sneeze in the history of time. All the hand wringing about saving the planet is a bit of a pipe dream. At some point we will, as a species, likely go extinct. It is a given, and when humans are no longer here, the planet will heal itself. That's what mother Earth does. She has done it many times before, and will do it again. At one time the dinosaurs were the ruling species. They were here for far longer than humans, and I am sure that all that Methane from all the dino-poo and T-Rex farts were a factor in Jurassic global warming, not to mention all the volcanic activity and swamp gas. The planet is continuously in flux. Boom....asteroid, Dinos done...Planet goes into  years of darkness....but...Mother Earth took a breath and fixed herself. 

We humans are driven by Ego. We think we are the ultimate power in the universe, or at least on the planet. But everything we do, everything we fight for, every cause we back is short term, and the planet only needs saving from US.  No matter how important we think we are, the planet just sees us as an irritant. Like fleas on a dog... A nuisance.  Look at the mountains, the Grand canyon, Oceans, rivers...All that was here WAY before we were here, and Mother Earth did that all by herself without our help. We can shape mountains by excavating for the riches they hold, but we can never build mountains. The fact that a mountain grows at a pace of 1 inch every 1000 years is way too slow for humans to comprehend. The continental plates move about an inch a year. Again way too slow to comprehend. But to the planet, over her life, entire continents have shifted thousand of miles at a rate of an inch or so a year with the occasional jump like a major shift in the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. 17 feet of movement in less than a minute. That certainly got our attention. We called it a disaster. Mother Earth called it taking a breath. It didn't matter much to her. Probably didn't really matter at all. It's what the planet does, and no matter how important we think we are, Mother Earth is going to pre-empt everything we do eventually. 

Human extinction is a concept that we have a hard time getting our heads around. But, be it by our own hand or natural causes like an giant asteroid, or Yellowstone Super-volcanic eruption, we will probably be gone, or at least whittled down to a few thousand survivors. It may be another 100 years, or another 500,000 years. Even if we manage to populate another planet, we are ultimately not in control of anything. The universe will dictate our survival.  

We can only be a part of now. Love now, Live in the now. Because 500 years from now, who is going to remember who you were, or who you loved or what you did for a living? None of it matters much. If you leave a legacy, that will be wonderful. A Mozart, a Chopin, a Jesus. How much will it all matter once you are dust and part of the Mother Earth? 

But there is a chance mankind will evolve and a giant shift will happen. We will learn to live in a totally new way. WE will all make a difference. Maybe we will teleport instead of using vehicles. Maybe we will live in a world where there will no rich or poor. Enlightenment to the point of just being in the now. There will ALWAYS be "bad seeds" but maybe they will be a super-minority. A world of autonomy and respect. Wipe the negative energy from the galaxy for good... and FOR GOOD. Boom! Outta here! Where nothing would matter much, and very little will matter at all because the positivity will just BE. 

And so it is!

And while you are contemplating all that, check out my book, The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books! 

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