Friday, March 5, 2010

The Bird and the Cowpaddy

Once upon a time in Montana the was a small bird who did not want to fly south for the winter to see what winter in Montana was like. As the weather got colder, the small bird decided that it was not a good idea to stay in the cold and decided to fly south. As it was so late in the season, the tiny bird got colder and colder until, somewhere over a ranch in Wyoming, his tiny frozen body fell to the ground...He was about to freeze to death, when suddenly a cow came by and took a huge poo on top of the bird. The cow paddy was so warm, that it started to thaw the litte bird out, and he began to regain his strength.

As he fluttered around in the cow poop, he began to sing, because he was warm, albeit covered in crap. But he was alive and happy. Suddenly, the farm cat saw and heard the commotion coming from the pile of cow poo on the ground. The cat dug the bird out of the cow pie, .... and ate him.

So remember, If you learn nothing else from this story, it's this... Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy, and not everyone who pulls you out of shit is you friend.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I REMEMBER WHEN I GOT MINE

SO, MY SON, NICK, AT THE RIPE AGE OF 15 (HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN????) HAS HIS PERMIT. NOT HIS GUN PERMIT, OR HIS HUNTING PERMIT, WHICH WOULD PROBABLY BE A SAFER BET, BUT YES, HIS DRIVER'S PERMIT. FIRST OFF, CONGRATS! IT'S A BIG DAY IN THE LIFE OF A HORMONE CHARGED TEEN TO GET TO DRIVE. (ALBEIT WITH A PARENT, BUT HEY, YOU'RE DRIVING!!)

SO, NOW HE GETS TO BE HIS MOM'S PERSONAL DRIVER, AND SHE GET TO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX AND LET HIM TAKE HER PLACES... IN BETWEEN REMINDING HIM OF SPEED LIMITS, RED LIGHTS AND THAT OLD WOMAN IN THE CROSSWALK... i REMEMBER WHEN i GOT MINE. ONCE I PASSED THE TEST, IT WAS SIMPLE THAT I KNEW EVERYTHING. TEENS DO..THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD HIRE THEM WHILE THEY STILL KNOW IT ALL....

A YEAR OF DRIVING WITH MOM WAS LONG AND STRESSFUL. ONCE I GOT MY REAL LICENCE THOUGH, I WAS ALL TO EAGER TO RUN ERRANDS, AND GO HERE AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE...MOM WOULD SAY, "I NEED SOME MILK"...I WAS OUT THE DOOR WITH THE CAR KEYS...THIS LASTED ABOUT A MONTH, AND THEN I REALIZED THAT PARENTS DO THIS ON PURPOSE...IT'S PAYING OUR DUES TO BE THE PERSONAL DELIVERY GUY FOR YOUR PARENTS WHEN YOU GET YOUR LICENCE. AS IT WILL BE WITH NICK I AM SURE. HE COMES TO TENNESSEE THIS SUMMER ARMED WITH HIS PERMIT. THANK GOD I HAVE A VOLVO...A ROLLING TANK. I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING DRIVEN AROUND! SOMEONE PASS THE MUSCLE RELAXERS!